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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your own answers.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #answers
The majority argues that people should work in the
country
 where they were educated and trained
while
 others believe that they have the right to pursue their career wherever they want.
This
 essay will highlight both views and explain why I believe that professionals should be given the freedom to work in another
country
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, pursuing a
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
country
 where people had their training
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some positive
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 to it. One advantage worth noting is that professionals
such
 as doctors are familiar with the healthcare system and guidelines on how to handle certain types of diseases. Each
country
 has
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 own trend of common illnesses
therefore
 it would be easier for doctors to treat their patients since they would normally see these cases
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. An example of
this
 would be the treatment of dengue in the Philippines.
Philippines
Correct article usage
The Philippines
show examples
 is known to be a tropical
country
therefore
 the prevalence of dengue is quite common during the rainy season. Since it is common, healthcare professionals are known to handle the management and treatment of
this
 disease very well.
On the other hand
, venturing out in a different
country
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 workers a chance to earn more than what their home
country
 is offering. A good example of
this
 scenario would be nurses migrating to the UK to earn a more competent salary
that is
 proportionate to the workload.
Moreover
, choosing to work in another
country
also
 means career development is possible
thru
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 the
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 and seminars provided by different companies. In conclusion, working in a familiar setting might have
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 own pros,
I
Correct word choice
but I
show examples
believe that the freedom to practice in a different
country
 is more beneficial.
Submitted by joycegacho on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and consistently stick to it throughout the paragraph. This will enhance clarity and strength of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking phrases and cohesive devices to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the readability of your essay.
task achievement
While you've provided relevant examples to support your arguments, further elaboration on these examples could strengthen your case. Consider explaining how these examples specifically illustrate your point in more detail.
task achievement
To further improve your score, consider refining your introduction and conclusion to more explicitly state your main argument and summarize your key points. This will make your stance clearer to the reader.
task achievement
You effectively discussed both views on the issue, providing a balanced and informed perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured in a logical manner, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion stating your own perspective.
task achievement
You've used specific examples to support your arguments, which helps to make your essay more persuasive and grounded in reality.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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