IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that books should be stopped in schools and that, videos, films and computers should be used instead. To what extent do you agree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A few individuals believe that
books
Use synonyms
 might be stopped in educational institutions
while
Linking Words
 others think that
videos
Use synonyms
, films and computers should be used
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the place of
books
Use synonyms
. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
 because
books
Use synonyms
 are authentic and traditional
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
information
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
videos
Use synonyms
, films and computers are quite distracting for
students
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will completely in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
. First and foremost,
books
Use synonyms
 are genuine and traditional
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
information
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, before publishment, a written document
is going
Wrong verb form
goes
show examples
 through
proof reading
Correct your spelling
proofreading
show examples
 many times and there is
also
Linking Words
 a copyright on each document.
As a result
Linking Words
, there is no false
information
Use synonyms
 or
plagrism
Correct your spelling
plagiarism
 in it.
For instance
Linking Words
, a headline published in
newspaper
Add an article
a newspaper
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
BBC ( British
Broadcating
Correct your spelling
Broadcasting
 Corporation ) stated that most of the
students
Use synonyms
 of Cambridge University rely on
books
Use synonyms
 for their studies rather than depending upon online sources.
Hence
Linking Words
, online sources could not take
place
Correct article usage
the place
show examples
 of
books
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when
students
Use synonyms
 do online
study
Use synonyms
, they can not fully concentrate on their
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 because online sources are full of distracting
information
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as irrelevant
videos
Use synonyms
,
Correct word choice
and advertisement
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 before the video
start
Change the form of the verb
starts
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 distract
focus
Add an article
the focus
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
show examples
 knows which is the real
source
Use synonyms
 of
information
Use synonyms
. Sometimes
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 have to
face
Verb problem
apply
show examples
struggle to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the subject of
study
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey, conducted in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, reveals that in
final
Correct article usage
the final
show examples
 results of secondary class, the
students
Use synonyms
 who
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
books
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of online
reasources
Correct your spelling
resources
 have topped in the examination. In conclusion,
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 who
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
books
Use synonyms
 should be stopped,
this
Linking Words
 idea is
quitely
Correct your spelling
quite
 irrelevant.
However
Linking Words
, films,
videos
Use synonyms
 and computers can be used to make
study
Use synonyms
 interesting but these things can not replace
books
Use synonyms
, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 genuine
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
information
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language use
Consider a more varied sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance readability and sophistication of your essay.
Example development
To strengthen your examples, link them more directly to the argument and make sure they are fully developed.
Coherence
Work on organizing your paragraphs in a way that each new idea smoothly transitions from the previous one, using a range of linking phrases.
Task Response
You have a clear thesis statement and consistent argument throughout the essay, which is excellent for task response.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reiterates the main arguments, which is good for coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital mediums
  • visual and auditory learners
  • engagement
  • comprehension
  • outdated
  • interactive media
  • real-life scenarios
  • personalized learning
  • ecological impact
  • digital divide
  • screen time
  • tactile experience
  • memory retention
  • irreplaceable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: