IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that books should be stopped in schools and that, videos, films and computers should be used instead. To what extent do you agree?

#people #books #schools #videos #films #computers
A few individuals believe that
books
 might be stopped in educational institutions
while
 others think that
videos
, films and computers should be used
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the place of
books
. I completely disagree with
this
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
 because
books
 are authentic and traditional
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
information
while
videos
, films and computers are quite distracting for
students
.
This
 essay will completely in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
. First and foremost,
books
 are genuine and traditional
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
information
.
In other words
, before publishment, a written document
is going
Wrong verb form
goes
show examples
 through
proof reading
Correct your spelling
proofreading
show examples
 many times and there is
also
 a copyright on each document.
As a result
, there is no false
information
 or
plagrism
Correct your spelling
plagiarism
 in it.
For instance
, a headline published in
newspaper
Add an article
a newspaper
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
BBC ( British
Broadcating
Correct your spelling
Broadcasting
 Corporation ) stated that most of the
students
 of Cambridge University rely on
books
 for their studies rather than depending upon online sources.
Hence
, online sources could not take
place
Correct article usage
the place
show examples
 of
books
.
Moreover
, when
students
 do online
study
, they can not fully concentrate on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 because online sources are full of distracting
information
,
such
 as irrelevant
videos
,
Correct word choice
and advertisement
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 before the video
start
Change the form of the verb
starts
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 distract
focus
Add an article
the focus
show examples
 of
students
.
Secondly
,
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
show examples
 knows which is the real
source
 of
information
. Sometimes
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 have to
face
Verb problem
apply
show examples
struggle to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the subject of
study
.
For example
, a survey, conducted in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, reveals that in
final
Correct article usage
the final
show examples
 results of secondary class, the
students
 who
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
books
instead
 of online
reasources
Correct your spelling
resources
 have topped in the examination. In conclusion,
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 who
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
books
 should be stopped,
this
 idea is
quitely
Correct your spelling
quite
 irrelevant.
However
, films,
videos
 and computers can be used to make
study
 interesting but these things can not replace
books
, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 genuine
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
information
.
Submitted by maliksheetal32 on

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Language use
Consider a more varied sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance readability and sophistication of your essay.
Example development
To strengthen your examples, link them more directly to the argument and make sure they are fully developed.
Coherence
Work on organizing your paragraphs in a way that each new idea smoothly transitions from the previous one, using a range of linking phrases.
Task Response
You have a clear thesis statement and consistent argument throughout the essay, which is excellent for task response.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reiterates the main arguments, which is good for coherence.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital mediums
  • visual and auditory learners
  • engagement
  • comprehension
  • outdated
  • interactive media
  • real-life scenarios
  • personalized learning
  • ecological impact
  • digital divide
  • screen time
  • tactile experience
  • memory retention
  • irreplaceable
What to do next:
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