In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

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it is thought that many
people
in
youth
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their youth
show examples
age have become more
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depressed
deppresed
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depressed
and stressed despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their health
emprovement
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improvement
improvements
,
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
their
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financial
finantial
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financial
stability and long old
due to
many causes
such
as work pressure and isolation
this
can be solved by
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increasing
incrasing
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increasing
their
leasure
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leisure
time
the main cause of having
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
range of bad modes in the new generation is that they are working so hard to achieve their goals.
Never the less
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Nevertheless
show examples
working with much
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
is
requaire
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required
require
but bit become more spread among young
peole
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people
turning them
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
machines that
jus
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just
show examples
work for
thier
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their
goals forgetting about engoy their lives.
Other
Correct quantifier usage
Another
show examples
cause that
youngester
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youngster
youngsters
become more introverted and isolated .
people
who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spend much
time
at home and
does
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do
show examples
not have
time
for hobbies and new activities
moreover
spend no
time
with
thier
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their
families and friends have large percentages of
deppression
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depression
. Many
phsycologests
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psychologists
advice
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advise
show examples
people
who are introverts to spend more
time
with
thier famillies
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their families
and relatives to become better. the solutions for these
downesides
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downsides
by having more free
time
. promoting the
familliy
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family
boundries
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boundaries
and
inatiate
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initiate
a new friends
Correct the article-noun agreement
new friends
a new friend
show examples
to spend
time
with
in addition
having
hoppies
Correct your spelling
hippies
hobbies
such
as painting ,playing football and plant farm will help to get
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
out of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
bad thoughts .
for example
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there
thier
is a study
shown
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
that
occuping
Correct your spelling
occupying
men and women from the
armys
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army
with hobbies give them
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
live energy and get them out of overthinking . To summarize , money
doesnot
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does not
buy happiness .
In other words
,
people
need to have friends and go out with their
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colleagues
collegues
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colleagues
to
clean
Correct your spelling
clear
show examples
their minds and have sort of a few activities to make them more happier
Submitted by moonymum0011 on

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Conclusion
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Language Accuracy
Proofread your essay to correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. Frequent errors can make it difficult for the reader to understand your points and reduce the overall clarity of your argument.
Supporting Examples
Try to provide specific examples to support your points. Examples help to illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing to the reader. You mentioned studies and advice from psychologists, providing more detail or data would enhance your argument's credibility.
Task Response
You've successfully identified key causes and solutions related to the topic question, demonstrating an understanding of the task.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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