IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an argument that it is of paramount importance for
children
Use synonyms
 to distinguish the difference between right and wrong when they are young, and
punishment
Use synonyms
 is one of the most effective measures in order to help them in
this
Linking Words
 situation.
While
Linking Words
 I accept that
this
Linking Words
 perception is somewhat justifiable, I believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 need to choose some suitable ways to punish their
children
Use synonyms
. It is noticeable that punishments can change
children
Use synonyms
’s bad
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 temporarily or permanently. If
children
Use synonyms
 have some wrong actions
such
Linking Words
 as telling a lie or disobeying,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict
punishment
Use synonyms
 is necessary for them in order to help them realize their mistakes and eliminate that bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 can use many punishments
such
Linking Words
 as light physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 so that they can fix their kids' awareness.
For example
Linking Words
, when I had a bad grade, my
parents
Use synonyms
 used to spank me, or even stop giving the pocket money to me until I could have a better point in the next term.
This
Linking Words
 helps me a lot in the process of becoming a better version of myself.
However
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should choose appropriate ways to teach good
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 to their
children
Use synonyms
 and students. First and foremost,
parents
Use synonyms
 should not strictly punish their
children
Use synonyms
, like bully their kids or even spank them too strongly,
this
Linking Words
 can make their
children
Use synonyms
 have some mental and physical health problems, and they may have protests against their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should talk softly to their
children
Use synonyms
 to help them realize their falls, and from there apply some educational measures
such
Linking Words
 as limiting the time using smart devices, telling them to do the
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
, or reducing the pocket money that
parents
Use synonyms
 give to their
children
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
teachers
Use synonyms
 should not scold their students in front of the class, or ignore them.
Instead
Linking Words
 of that, good
teachers
Use synonyms
 need to help students
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 areas they are weak
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, and from that, they can apply some solutions
such
Linking Words
 as giving learners more
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
 to do. In conclusion, it seems to me that
punishment
Use synonyms
 is of significance to educate
children
Use synonyms
 on how to distinguish right from wrong,
which
Correct word choice
and which
show examples
 punishments are applied should be carefully chosen.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to elaborate more on how punishment can change children's attitudes permanently. Discuss not just the immediate effects but also the long-term outcomes of such practices.
coherence cohesion
Revise the introduction for conciseness and clarity. For example, instead of saying, 'this perception is somewhat justifiable,' be more assertive in your stance.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your supporting points more clearly to the main argument. Each paragraph should logically follow from the previous one and be tied to the central thesis.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples, particularly when discussing alternative forms of punishment or educational measures. Real-life instances can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay is complete and addresses all parts of the prompt, making a clear argument about the importance of teaching children right from wrong and the role of punishment.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structural framework for the essay.
task achievement
The main points are supported by examples from personal experience, making the argument more relatable and concrete.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: