There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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Young individuals are persuaded to perform better in academic

works

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work

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todays

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today's

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context, part of the society commonly

believed

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believe

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that academically

non related

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non-related

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areas

such

Linking Words

as physical

education

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and

cookery

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, should be removed from the

school

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curriculum to accommodate and

prioritised

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prioritise

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academic work.In my opinion,

this

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leads to

unhealthy

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an unhealthy

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young generation with

lack

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a lack

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of practical

skills

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to strive in

the

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apply

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society.

Thus

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this

Linking Words

writer wholeheartedly disagrees with the captioned statement. First and

fore most

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foremost

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lack

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a lack

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skills

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and knowledge in physical

education

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prones

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prone

the individual with less interest in exercises and less physical activity. Lack of

exercises

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exercise

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leads the individual into obesity and more prone to

non communicable

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non-communicable

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diseases, who ends up as an unhealthy individual.

For instance

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according to

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apply

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research done by the

university

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University

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of Peradeniya 8

yrs

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years

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ago, more than 20 % of

school

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children under age 12 had type 2 Diabetes mellitus, and they pointed out the fact, that children who had the disease did not participate in any

sport

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sports

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activities in the

school

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, and

this

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key research

lead

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leads

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the Sri Lankan authorities to make physical

education

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as a compulsory subject to ordinary level students in Sri Lanka.

Hence

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physical

education

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young

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a young

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age is very important.

Furthermore

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subjects

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cookery

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can

cultivates

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cultivate

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life

skills

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and

carrier

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career

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opertunities

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opportunities

for

the

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apply

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youngsters. In the modern contemporary era,

education

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should focus

the

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on the

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independence of the student,

while

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vocational

subjects

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help in doing so.

Otherthan

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Other than

that, it can

creates

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create

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future pathways for job

oppertunities

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opportunities

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cookery

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the cookery

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industry, for whom

not

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are not

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intrested

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interested

in academic

carriers

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careers

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For instance

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, the

famouse

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famous

chef Pabilis Silva once told in a TV interview that he understood his passion

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for

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cooking from his

school

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cookery

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teacher.

Thus

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, vocational

subjects

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have a huge impact

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once

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one

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life. In conclusion,

theoritical

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theoretical

and academic learning is important for

young

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the young

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generation , but

subjects

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like physical

education

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and

cookery

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help to have better health in adult life

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apply

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while

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having good social and

carrier

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career

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skills

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to strive better in

the

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apply

show examples

society.

Hence

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

writer

is in

Verb problem

has

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a strong notion that

non academic

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non-academic

show examples

subjects

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should

teach

Wrong verb form

be taught

show examples

at the

school

Use synonyms

Submitted by dinaka0001 on Tue Apr 16 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar

Maintain consistent tense usage throughout your essay to improve clarity.

Spelling & Capitalization

Focus on spelling and proper capitalization for a more polished appearance.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases for better flow.

Sentence Structure

Incorporate more varied sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay.

Task Achievement

You've effectively included relevant examples to support your points, adding depth to your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay logically flows from introduction to conclusion, maintaining a clear structure.

Task Achievement

You've expressed a clear stance and justified it with appropriate reasoning throughout the essay.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
43
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

345 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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