IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
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Young individuals are persuaded to perform better in academic
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 context, part of the society commonly
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that academically
non related
Add a hyphen
non-related
show examples
 areas
such
 as physical
education
 and
cookery
, should be removed from the
school
 curriculum to accommodate and
prioritised
Wrong verb form
prioritise
show examples
 academic work.In my opinion,
this
 leads to
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 young generation with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of practical
skills
 to strive in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Thus
,
this
 writer wholeheartedly disagrees with the captioned statement. First and
fore most
Correct your spelling
foremost
show examples
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
skills
 and knowledge in physical
education
prones
Correct your spelling
prone
 the individual with less interest in exercises and less physical activity. Lack of
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 leads the individual into obesity and more prone to
non communicable
Add a hyphen
non-communicable
show examples
 diseases, who ends up as an unhealthy individual.
For instance
,
according to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done by the
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of Peradeniya 8
yrs
Correct your spelling
years
show examples
 ago, more than 20 % of
school
 children under age 12 had type 2 Diabetes mellitus, and they pointed out the fact, that children who had the disease did not participate in any
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities in the
school
, and
this
 key research
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 the Sri Lankan authorities to make physical
education
 as a compulsory subject to ordinary level students in Sri Lanka.
Hence
 physical
education
 at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age is very important.
Furthermore
,
subjects
 like
cookery
 can
cultivates
Change the verb form
cultivate
show examples
 life
skills
 and
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
opertunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters. In the modern contemporary era,
education
 should focus
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 independence of the student,
while
 vocational
subjects
 help in doing so.
Otherthan
Correct your spelling
Other than
 that, it can
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
 future pathways for job
oppertunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in
cookery
Correct article usage
the cookery
show examples
 industry, for whom
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in academic
carriers
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
.
For instance
, the
famouse
Correct your spelling
famous
 chef Pabilis Silva once told in a TV interview that he understood his passion
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 cooking from his
school
cookery
 teacher.
Thus
, vocational
subjects
 have a huge impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
once
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 life. In conclusion,
theoritical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 and academic learning is important for
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation , but
subjects
 like physical
education
 and
cookery
 help to have better health in adult life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
 having good social and
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
skills
 to strive better in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Hence
,
this
 writer
is in
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a strong notion that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
 should
teach
Wrong verb form
be taught
show examples
 at the
school
.
Submitted by dinaka0001 on

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You've expressed a clear stance and justified it with appropriate reasoning throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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