In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?
Some people have gained a lot of wealth and
a
great health but they lack happiness. Remove the article
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This
problem can be caused by several issues and of course, there are some ways to tackle it which I'm going to explain more about in the rest of this
essay.
To begin
with, numerous things can lead to unhappiness. Because of social media and technology, individuals usually tend to meet their families in person less than before. Hence
, their relationships start to deteriorate and then
, they feel the consequences. For example
, when I went on vacation last
summer, I started to feel depressed because I couldn't be with family
. Correct pronoun usage
my family
Additionally
, ordinary fellas set their goals to accumulate a lot of wealth and live longer but some other fellows have these things and therefore
, they lack an appropriate purpose to live. Accordingly
, they get depressed and even commit a
suicide.
There are some solutions to these kinds of problems. Remove the article
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Firstly
, rich guys can contribute others
to reach their goals and become happy which can change their own mood as well. I, Change preposition
to others
for instance
, try to help others both financially and emotionally anytime I can becasue
with their happiness, I can feel great. Correct your spelling
because
Secondly
, meeting family and friends can play a critical role in Correct article usage
the alleviaton
alleviaton
of mental disorders and dissatisfaction feeling. Correct your spelling
alleviation
Finally
, going on a trip evry
once in a Correct your spelling
every
while
can have constructive effects on mental feeling
. BecauseFix the agreement mistake
feelings
,
getting familiar with other cultures and disparate individuals can teach us a lot of things in terms of self-care and help us to become more cheerful.
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To conclude
, the lack of happiness among wealthier members of society can not be tackled unless they revive their relationships with others and visit various places to gain more experience.Submitted by yasinisback8 on
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Task Achievement
To improve your task achievement, make sure your response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. While you've outlined causes and solutions effectively, try to develop your examples further to clearly show how they relate to the issue of decreased happiness despite increased wealth and health.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your paragraphs more logically. Each paragraph should flow smoothly into the next. Using a range of cohesive devices effectively can help with this. Additionally, revising how ideas transition from one to another can provide clearer argumentation.
Coherence & Cohesion
When presenting examples to support your points, aim for relevance and detail. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more informative and persuasive.
Introduction
Your introduction sets the stage well for discussing the given topic, explaining what you plan to cover in the essay.
Conclusion
You’ve provided a clear conclusion that rounds off the essay effectively, reiterating the main points made.
Example Usage
Including personal anecdotes and examples, like your own experience and actions you take to help others, adds a valuable personal touch to your essay, making your arguments more relatable.
Your opinion
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