In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

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Some people have gained a lot of wealth and

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apply

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great health but they lack happiness.

This

problem can be caused by several issues and of course, there are some ways to tackle it which I'm going to explain more about in the rest of

this

essay.

To begin

with, numerous things can lead to unhappiness. Because of social media and technology, individuals usually tend to meet their families in person less than before.

Hence

, their relationships start to deteriorate and

then

, they feel the consequences.

For example

, when I went on vacation

last

summer, I started to feel depressed because I couldn't be with

family

Correct pronoun usage

my family

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Additionally

, ordinary fellas set their goals to accumulate a lot of wealth and live longer but some other fellows have these things and

therefore

, they lack an appropriate purpose to live.

Accordingly

, they get depressed and even commit

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suicide. There are some solutions to these kinds of problems.

Firstly

, rich guys can contribute

others

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to others

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to reach their goals and become happy which can change their own mood as well. I,

for instance

, try to help others both financially and emotionally anytime I can

becasue

Correct your spelling

because

with their happiness, I can feel great.

Secondly

, meeting family and friends can play a critical role in

Correct article usage

the alleviaton

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alleviaton

Correct your spelling

alleviation

of mental disorders and dissatisfaction feeling.

Finally

, going on a trip

evry

Correct your spelling

every

once in a

while

can have constructive effects on mental

feeling

Fix the agreement mistake

feelings

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. Because

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getting familiar with other cultures and disparate individuals can teach us a lot of things in terms of self-care and help us to become more cheerful.

To conclude

, the lack of happiness among wealthier members of society can not be tackled unless they revive their relationships with others and visit various places to gain more experience.

Submitted by yasinisback8 on Tue Apr 16 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve your task achievement, make sure your response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. While you've outlined causes and solutions effectively, try to develop your examples further to clearly show how they relate to the issue of decreased happiness despite increased wealth and health.

Coherence & Cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your paragraphs more logically. Each paragraph should flow smoothly into the next. Using a range of cohesive devices effectively can help with this. Additionally, revising how ideas transition from one to another can provide clearer argumentation.

Coherence & Cohesion

When presenting examples to support your points, aim for relevance and detail. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more informative and persuasive.

Introduction

Your introduction sets the stage well for discussing the given topic, explaining what you plan to cover in the essay.

Conclusion

You’ve provided a clear conclusion that rounds off the essay effectively, reiterating the main points made.

Example Usage

Including personal anecdotes and examples, like your own experience and actions you take to help others, adds a valuable personal touch to your essay, making your arguments more relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

Your opinion

in many countries goverment are investing in new technology to deal with the public. why is this happening ? do you think this is a appropriate use of goverment money?

Many people these days rely on traditional medicines rather than going to doctors. What are the causes? Is this a positive or negative development?

Living in a country where you must speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?