The chart belows gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018
THE PROVIDED BAR GRAPH ILLUSTRATES ,HOW EQUAL PERCENTAGE
INDIVIDUALS
SPENT THEIR WEEKLY INCOME
ON EIGHT VARIOUS CONSUME
PRODUCTS IN ONE NATION IN 1968 AFTER 50 YEARS.
LOOKING FROM AN Wrong verb form
CONSUMED
OVERALL
PERSPECTIVE IT IS READIELY APPERENT
THAT,FOOD MADE THE BIGGEST Correct your spelling
APPARENT
EXPENDITURE
WHILE
FUEL
AND POWER MADE THE LOWEST EXPENDITURE
IN
THE Change preposition
AT
BEGINING
OF THE TIME .Correct your spelling
BEGINNING
MOREOVER
,LEISURE ACTIVITIES WAS
THE HIGHEST PART Correct subject-verb agreement
WERE
IN
THE Change preposition
OF
INCOME
WHILE
PERSONAL GOODS
AND FUEL
AND POWER THE
LEAST SHARE IN THE Add a missing verb
HAD THE
INCOME
IN
THE END OF THE PERIOD.
GETTING BACK TO DETAILS,Change the preposition
AT
INDIVIDUALS
SPENT HIGHEST CONTRIBUTION OF THEIR INCOME
TO BUY FOOD IN 1968.THAT IS
35%IN PERSENTAGE
WISE.Correct your spelling
PER CENT
INDIVIDUALS
SPENT JUST UNDER 5% TO BUY FUEL
AND POWER IN THAT TIME PERIOD. AND IT WAS THE LOWEST EXPENDITURE
IN 1968.HOUSEHOLD GOODS
COUNSUMPTION
REMAINED Correct your spelling
CONSUMPTION
STEADILY
IN BOTH YEARS,THE Change the word
STEADY
PERSENTAGE
IS APPROXIMATELY 8%.Correct your spelling
PERCENTAGE
FRTHERMORE
, LOCALS CONSUMED 10% OF Correct your spelling
FURTHERMORE
THIEIR
WEEKLY SALARY FOR HOUSING AND CLOTHING ,Correct your spelling
THEIR
FOOTWEARS
.THAT , WAS THE SECOND HIGHEST Correct word choice
AND FOOTWEARS
EXPENDITURE
IM 1968.PROPOTION
SPENTCorrect your spelling
PROMOTION
Correct article usage
AN
Correct article usage
AN
THAT IS
8% IN Correct your spelling
PERCENTAGE
PERSENTAGE
Correct your spelling
PERCENTAGE
WISE
ON Correct word choice
apply
Correct your spelling
HOUSEHOLD
HOUSEHALL
Correct your spelling
HOUSEHOLD
GOODS
, TRANSPORT AS WELL AS
PERSONAL GOODS
IN 1968.
ACCORDIND
TO THE GRAPH, THE Correct your spelling
ACCORDING
INDIVIDUALS
PREFER TO SPENT
THEIR MONEY ON Change the verb
SPEND
LESUIRE
ACTIVITIES AND Correct your spelling
LEISURE
GOODS
IN 2018.PROPOTION CONSUMED HOUSING GOODS
AND FOOD .THE PERCENTAGE IS JUST OVER 20%. IN PERCENTAGE WISE.THAT IS
THE SECOND HIGHEST
Add a hyphen
SECOND-HIGHEST
CATAGAREY
.Correct your spelling
CATEGORY
FUEL
AND POWE ,HOUSE HLD GOODS
AND PERSONAL GOODS
. PAYS Correct article usage
A LOWERST
LOWERST
PLACE IN THE WEEKLY Correct your spelling
LOWER
INCOME
IN 2018.Submitted by kaushigimhani3820 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is, while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words individuals, income, expenditure, fuel, goods with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼