IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public.Why is this happening?Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money.

#countries #governments #technology #government #money
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In
digital
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the digital
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 era,
public
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the public
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 is being invested by the government in
technology
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,
thus
Linking Words
 wanting to attract the invest from other countries.The author
believe
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believes
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that is
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
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 positive phenomenon
due to
Linking Words
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
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 the
information
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 and contact with the
customers
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 easily. It must be understood that
security
Correct article usage
the security
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 of
Internet
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the Internet
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 and
security
Correct article usage
the security
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 of an account
are
Change the verb form
is
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 so crucial.It means users who want to protect their private
information
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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 must use some apps or
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 to deal with it.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
 in
technology
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 and
grow
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
 applications which prevent and protect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
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 and secret
file
Fix the agreement mistake
files
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 are so crucial for the
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
.
For instance
Linking Words
,many companies buy or invest large
amount
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amounts
show examples
 of money in
softwares
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software
 to prevent the interrupt from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
viruses or
hacker
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hackers
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. Another reason the government should spend a large of money on new
technology
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 is
contact
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to contact
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with
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apply
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the
customers
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 easily.
In other words
Linking Words
,agents must
be known
Wrong verb form
know
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 many things about networking because nowadays,the problem
citizen
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citizens
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 want to know about is social media.
Consequently
Linking Words
,easy to fit in with
customers
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 and give many introductions about our products .
For example
Linking Words
,a staff who always online
in
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on
show examples
 the Internet and
update
Correct subject-verb agreement
updates
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 new
trend
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trends
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 or
information
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 is easy to come across with the opportunity from the
customers
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 in other to get the trust
from
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of
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population
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the population
a population
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. From my point of view,I think
this
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 is a positive view to make our country more
development
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developed
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.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,easy to attract the invest from other countries like
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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,Canada and so on.
Therefore
Linking Words
,it has a big positive impact on the
develop
Replace the word
development
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 of our country
as well as
Linking Words
 the world. In conclusion,
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
 in
technology
Use synonyms
 is the best way to lead the country to the first
economy
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economic
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 position.
This
Linking Words
 will help folk protect the
information
Use synonyms
 in other to get up with the
customers
Use synonyms
 easily.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear paragraph structures, including distinct introductions, body paragraphs, and conclusions, using transitional phrases for better flow.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points, helping to clarify and strengthen your arguments.
language use
Check for grammatical accuracy and aim to use a range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance your writing.
language use
Carefully review and correct any errors in spelling, punctuation, and word choice to improve clarity and precision.
task response
You effectively addressed the prompt by both discussing the reasons behind government investment in technology and offering your viewpoint on its appropriateness.
coherence cohesion
You included a clear stance and conclusion, helping to provide a sense of closure and completeness to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
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