IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the countries goverments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of goverment money?

#countries #goverments #technology #goverment #money
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Nowadays, numerous
goverments
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governments
 around the world have been allocating significant resources
rowards
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towards
 enhancing
internet
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access
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 for their citizens.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
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 trend and evaluate
whelther
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whether
such
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 investments
represrnt
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represent
 the most appropriate use of government funds. On the one hand,
technology
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 can provide tools and solutions to improve efficiency and productivity
areas
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in areas
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such
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 as transportation, urban
management
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, public services and resource
management
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.
This
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 use of
technology
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 can help reduce costs, enhance
management
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 and improve service quality.
Moreover
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,
technology
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 provides tools to effectively interact and communicate with the public. Online applications and platforms can provide information, services and feedback channels to citizens quickly and conveniently.
On the other hand
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,
technology
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 can be used to improve public security and terrorism
management
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 surveillance systems, data analysis and information
technology
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 can help governments
and
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apply
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prevent activities that threaten security. What is more, investing in new
technology
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, and
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technology related
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technology-related
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 industries can contribute to
country’s
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the country’s
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 economic growth. In conclusion, the emphasis on improving
internet
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access
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 in governments is driven by the need for social equity and economic competitiveness in the digital era.
Although
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 other sectors may require attention investing in
internet
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access
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 has the potential to yield far-reaching benefits, making it a justifiable use of government
resource
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resources
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. By ensuring widespread
internet
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access
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,
government
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the government
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 can empower their citizens and create
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a move
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move
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more
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 inclusive and prosperous society.
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Accuracy
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct spelling and typing errors, e.g., 'goverments' should be 'governments', 'rowards' should be 'towards', and 'whelther' should be 'whether'.
Specificity
Try to provide more specific examples or case studies to support your points. This can help strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance readability and engage the reader more effectively.
Depth
Be cautious with the topic's coverage, ensuring a balanced discussion on why governments are investing in technology and if it's an appropriate use of funds. Your conclusion ties the points together well, but a bit more depth in the analysis, especially in the second question, would provide a stronger finish.
Structure
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes your essay easy to follow.
Content
The main points are well supported throughout the essay, providing a good explanation of why governments are investing in technology and suggesting its benefits.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, reinforcing your viewpoint and wrapping up the discussion cohesively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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