In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?
In the current generation,
financial
growth of the countries has developed a lot, which made a huge number of millionaires when compared to the past era. Anyhow, Correct article usage
the financial
people
in this
generation are happier when compared to the previous decade. This
essay agrees with the statement that the citizens are not happy when comparing
to the Wrong verb form
compared
last
years and I will state the reason that we can learn from this
incident.
Starting from the ordinary person’s perspective, in this
generation, people
are blindly focused on earning money instead
of spending time with their family members because the cost of living in each country was
increased drastically in Verb problem
has
the
recent years. Apart from that, Correct article usage
apply
people
are mesmerised by luxury items such
as fancy cars, house
and much more. Fix the agreement mistake
houses
Hence
, to achieve their fantasy dream, people
are earning and working a lot with their business
and employment. Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
For example
, most data analysts were
found that the public Unnecessary verb
apply
are
working more than regular hours when compared to the Change the verb form
is
pervious
era.
Correct your spelling
previous
On the other hand
, we can observe that people
are simply focusing on money instead
of value
their family members. From Wrong verb form
valuing
this
perspective, I have learned that citizens are becoming greedy. To avoid this
scenario, the government should implement some new rules and regulations which make the people
to
limit their working hours. Change the verb form
apply
As a result
, they can spend time with their children, and it will also
improve the quality of relationship
. Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
For instance
, in Denmark, people
are very strict about their work hours. As a consequence
, they can maintain a constant relationship quality in their family.
In conclusion, the public in this
current era are
simply Verb problem
apply
wanting
to show that they are living luxuriously to other citizens. Wrong verb form
wants
Instead
of expressing their financial value to others, they can spend time with their family.Submitted by jeeveshkb22 on
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Introduction
Your introduction provides a good overview, but it could be more concise and direct to specific points addressing the question.
Body Paragraphs
In your body paragraphs, try to develop your points more clearly with specific examples. Whilst you mention the attitudes and behaviours, adding concrete examples would strengthen your argument.
Coherence
You could improve the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph clearly builds upon the previous one, using a range of linking phrases.
Task Response
Focus on expanding the depth of your arguments, examining both the reasons for decreased happiness despite wealth and offering a more diverse range of lessons that can be learned.
Language Use
Be attentive to small inaccuracies in language use, which can slightly hinder clarity. Regular practice and review will help refine your linguistic accuracy.
Task Response
Good attempt at addressing both parts of the prompt through a structured approach.
Understanding
You demonstrate an understanding of the essay's requirements and attempt to create a relevant argument.
Examples
Use of examples, such as working hours in Denmark, to support your points, shows an attempt to ground your arguments in real-world scenarios.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?