IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of people in Uk in 2004

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of people in Uk in 2004
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #people #uk
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The chart below shows three different age groups of people and how much
money
Use synonyms
 they spend on three different things,
such
Linking Words
 as food and drinks, restaurants and hotels and
entertainment
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most common
category
Use synonyms
 they spend
money
Use synonyms
 for
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is food and drinks. First of all, when we talk about Restaurants and Hotels, the group of age under 30
years
Use synonyms
 old spend the most
money
Use synonyms
 on that, and less on
Entertainment
Use synonyms
. From 31 till 60,
money
Use synonyms
 spent on Restaurants and hotels
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 exactly the same, around 12 per
cent
Use synonyms
, but after 60
years
Use synonyms
 old, people spend below 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and approximately 7 per
cent
Use synonyms
 after 76
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Food and drinks from just above 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the under 30
years
Use synonyms
 old
category
Use synonyms
, following an upward trend and at every single
category
Use synonyms
 of age after 30, the percentage
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased, more than 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
 between 46 and 75
years
Use synonyms
 old
category
Use synonyms
, and over 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
 at 76 plus. Moving forward to
entertainment
Use synonyms
, is
also
Linking Words
 following an upward trend,
starts
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from approximately 6 per
cent
Use synonyms
 under 30
years
Use synonyms
 old
category
Use synonyms
, and
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 the peak at
61
Correct article usage
the 61
show examples
-75
years
Use synonyms
 old
category
Use synonyms
, which is more than 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
, after 76
years
Use synonyms
 old, the
entertainment
Use synonyms
suffer
Change the verb form
suffers
show examples
 a decline and is just between 10 and 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by atomoiaga46 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, entertainment, category, years, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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