IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The first chart shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. THe second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which ressult from this energy use.

The first chart shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. THe second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which ressult from this energy use.
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The pie chart demonstrates the
energy
Use synonyms
 use in the Australian household and the
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
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emissions
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 produced in different ways. The most important form of
energy
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consumption
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 is the heating process, with 72% of
energy
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consumption
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 attributed to
this
Linking Words
 way. The general heating process and water heating account for 42% and 30% respectively,
while
Linking Words
 refrigeration
consumption
Use synonyms
 is about 7 %.It is followed by another two causes, lighting and cooling, contributing to 4% and 2% respectively. The remaining 15% is caused by other appliances. We can see from the second graph that the amount of
greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
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 produced by each method doesn't depend on its
energy
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consumption
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.Water heating is responsible for 32% of
greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
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,accounting for the largest share of
emissions
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. The second biggest producer of
gas
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emissions
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 is "other appliances", contributing to 28%,which is about the same as the
emissions
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 of general heating and refrigerators combined.
By comparison
Linking Words
, lighting and cooling emit minimal amounts, with 11% of
gas
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emissions
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 in total.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 general heating uses the most
energy
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,it emits relatively little
greenhouse
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gas
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.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas, emissions, consumption with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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