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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With the development of social media, more and more young people are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends which can lead to potentially dangerous situations.  What solutions can you suggest to deal with this problem?

#development #media #people #access #internet #chat #friends #situations
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Nowadays, the rapid evolution of the Internet has affected almost all
people
, especially children and teenagers, which has led
for
Change preposition
apply
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them to easier
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 of using social media.
This
 phenomenon may cause unexpected and disadvantageous situations, as young
people
 are not controlled during conversations on specialized websites with their friends. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will propose some solutions on how to prevent unsafe incidents. Let us begin
with
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by
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 describing social media
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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as the best and most convenient way of meeting with friends for your generation. The newest survey has figured out that adolescents have become addicted
with
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to
show examples
 the chatting platforms and,
consequently
, do not worry about danger from strangers on these websites
due to
not face to face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
show examples
 interactions. The conversation with,
for example
, scammer may cause scare or anxiety in a child. From my point of view, engineers of
such
 communication applications should make a parents control system on children’s accounts, in order to alarm about weird words or phrases from unknown
people
 in chats.
Therefore
, a young person will be protected from unwanted influences.
Moreover
, these days, more and more harmful advertisements appear
in
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on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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chat platforms,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 might
cause
Verb problem
have
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unpleasant
Add an article
an unpleasant
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 effect on children’s
mind
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minds
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.
Therefore
, it is necessary to use
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 in the right way, so schools should provide educational lessons about possible negative situations which may appear on the Internet. The main benefit of these educational programs is that in the future
people
 will be aware of
such
 things and avoid unwanted incidents. In conclusion,
although
 young
people
 face various
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apply
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of
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apply
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potentially dangerous situations,
such
 as scammers or harmful
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advertisements
show examples
advertisement
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advertisements
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,
while
 using social media, these problems may be tackled with the help of chat
Fix the agreement mistake
platform
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platforms
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platform
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 engineers and special educational courses at school.
Submitted by pusheen.sveta on

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Introductory Clarity
Ensure a clear and direct answer to the question asked in your introduction to set a strong foundation for your essay.
Language Use
To further enhance your essay, try to include a wider range of complex sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate linguistic range and accuracy.
Example Expansion
Consider expanding your examples with more detailed scenarios or data to reinforce your arguments and make your points more persuasive.
Structure
You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, proposing concrete solutions to the issue of unsupervised internet use by young people.
Coherence
The logical flow from problem identification to solution proposal helps maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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