There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's society, there is a huge stress on adolescents to succeed in their careers only in the academic field.
That is
why some people think that the removal of non-academic
subjects
from the curriculum is necessary as
students
can focus only on academic studies. Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
opinion.
Firstly
, many young
students
will be more stressed if these non-technical
subjects
are dropped. The reason is for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
proper development of the brain
students
should have
subjects
in all the aspects
such
as practical learning, cooking, etc.
For example
,
students
learn basic skills in
kitchen
Add an article
the kitchen
show examples
such
as cutting, mixing and chopping if they are taught these in
subjects
such
as cooking. That will definitely help them to succeed in the future as an independent person in the society.
This
shows the importance of balanced education. A
further
reason to oppose the removal of non-academic
subjects
is that some
students
will find it difficult to seek a job in the future if they do not find their skills at their schooling age. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
all the pupils are not good in academic
subjects
, they might understand and perform in other non-technical
subjects
more than the
students
who are bright only in their academic fields.
Hence
removing non-technical
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
can be considered as some kind of breaking
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
right of the children. In summary, it could be concluded that removing non-technical
subjects
from
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
curriculum would only have negative impacts on the future of most of the scholars.
Therefore
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
strongly oppose the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
idea of going only with technical
subjects
in academic paths.
Submitted by wm.asanka.sandaruwan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language use
Vary your sentence structures more to enhance readability and to showcase your range in language skills.
support
Feel free to explain more thoroughly your examples to enrich your argument and provide a deeper insight into your point of view.
accuracy
Remember to proofread your essay to catch and correct minor grammatical errors and improve clarity.
task response
You've provided a clear and strong stance on the issue, which is excellent for your task response.
coherence
The essay has a good logical structure, making your argument easy to follow.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, framing your essay nicely.
specific examples
Using real-life examples, like the importance of cooking skills, strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: