There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's society, there is a huge stress on adolescents to succeed in their careers only in the academic field.
That is
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why some people think that the removal of non-academic
subjects
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from the curriculum is necessary as
students
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can focus only on academic studies. Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
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opinion.
Firstly
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, many young
students
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will be more stressed if these non-technical
subjects
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are dropped. The reason is for
a
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the
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proper development of the brain
students
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should have
subjects
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in all the aspects
such
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as practical learning, cooking, etc.
For example
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,
students
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learn basic skills in
kitchen
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the kitchen
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such
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as cutting, mixing and chopping if they are taught these in
subjects
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such
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as cooking. That will definitely help them to succeed in the future as an independent person in the society.
This
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shows the importance of balanced education. A
further
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reason to oppose the removal of non-academic
subjects
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is that some
students
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will find it difficult to seek a job in the future if they do not find their skills at their schooling age. Because
,
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apply
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all the pupils are not good in academic
subjects
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, they might understand and perform in other non-technical
subjects
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more than the
students
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who are bright only in their academic fields.
Hence
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removing non-technical
subject
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subjects
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can be considered as some kind of breaking
a
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the
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right of the children. In summary, it could be concluded that removing non-technical
subjects
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from
school
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the school
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curriculum would only have negative impacts on the future of most of the scholars.
Therefore
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,
i
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I
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strongly oppose the
the
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apply
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idea of going only with technical
subjects
Use synonyms
in academic paths.
Submitted by wm.asanka.sandaruwan on

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language use
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support
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accuracy
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task response
You've provided a clear and strong stance on the issue, which is excellent for your task response.
coherence
The essay has a good logical structure, making your argument easy to follow.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, framing your essay nicely.
specific examples
Using real-life examples, like the importance of cooking skills, strengthens your argument.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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