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Band 1.5

In many countries smoking is now illegal in public places. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #places
There is
a
Change the article
an
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 old saying that smoking is injurious to health . In the midst of change , the amount of people who
smokes
Correct subject-verb agreement
smoke
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 dramatically increased in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society . Smoking is not only dangerous to the person who
do
Wrong verb form
does it
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 but
also
affect
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affects
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who are
Verb problem
those
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 around them . In the current scenario , it can be seen that in some public places like shopping malls , public
transports
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transport
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,
around
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apply
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school
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schools
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, business stands ,
hospital
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hospitals
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 and many more . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . Some people believe that
banned on
Wrong verb form
banning
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 smoking has
positive
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a positive
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 impact on our lives
therefore
 it should be continued . I vehemently Agree with the initials . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the matter
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my point of view.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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coherence cohesion
Be clear and concise in your argumentation. Aim for more straightforward expressions and avoid convoluted sentences to improve clarity.
task achievement
Ensure you provide explicit examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure to better organize your essay.
task achievement
You provided a clear stance on the topic, which is a good start for task achievement.
task achievement
You tried to engage with various perspectives on the issue, showing an attempt to cover the essay's requirements comprehensively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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