IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries smoking is now illegal in public places. Do you agree or disagree? #countries #places

#countries #places
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There is an old saying that smoking is injurious to health . In the midst of change , the amount of people who smoke dramatically increased in society . Smoking is not only dangerous to the person who does it but
also
 affects those around them . In the current scenario , it can be seen that in some public places like shopping malls , public transport, schools, business stands , hospitals and many more . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . Some people believe that banning smoking has a positive impact on our lives
therefore
 it should be continued . I vehemently Agree with the initials . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the matter
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my point of view.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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task achievement
To further enhance your essay, consider expanding on your introduction to clearly state your opinion directly related to the question asked. Directly addressing the question makes your stance unmistakable from the beginning.
task achievement
Develop your paragraphs with more detailed examples and explanations. While you introduced the idea that banning smoking in public has positive effects, illustrating these effects with specific examples and explaining how they improve lives would significantly strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly to enhance coherence. Use transitional phrases or words to connect sentences and paragraphs better, making your essay flow more naturally.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. This structure helps readers to follow your argument more easily and improves the coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear stage for discussing the topic of smoking bans in public places, which is a good technique for engaging the reader.
task achievement
You effectively conveyed your agreement with the implementation of smoking bans, providing a stance that aligns with the task requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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