IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Q: Many people think living in high-rise apartment blocks makes people feel lonely and unhappy, while others argue that it has advantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 prefer living in
apartements
Correct your spelling
apartments
 to living in houses.
However
Linking Words
, there is ongoing debate regarding the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 and disadvantages
living
Change preposition
of living
show examples
 in
apartment
Add an article
an apartment
the apartment
show examples
. Personally, I like living in an
Use synonyms
apartement
Correct your spelling
apartment
 because they offer a lot of facilities including security which
crucial
Add a missing verb
is crucial
show examples
 for a metropolitan city. Living in a high building
such
Linking Words
 as an apartment will give more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 for
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who need personal space.
This
Linking Words
 type
Use synonyms
person
Change preposition
of person
show examples
 will lose their energy
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
 they socialize with
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
hence
Linking Words
 a crowded
place
Use synonyms
 is not suitable for them.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
apartments
Use synonyms
 give a lot of facilities
such
Linking Words
 as
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
 and minimarket, which make
people
Use synonyms
 feel convenience. The 24-hour security is
also
Linking Words
 available to help
people
Use synonyms
 feel secure in the area which has
high
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a high
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 rate of criminalities. Meanwhile,
people
Use synonyms
 who have personalities like extroverts will suffer when living in
Use synonyms
apartement
Correct your spelling
an apartment
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of community interaction. Opposite to introverts, extroverts
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 socialize to gain their energy
hence
Linking Words
 living in
isolated
Add an article
an isolated
show examples
place
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
apartement
Correct your spelling
an apartment
 will make them feel lonely.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will be difficult to ask for some help in
apartments
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
 who live there are more individualists. In short, the decision to live in
Use synonyms
apartement
Correct your spelling
an apartment
 depends on the characteristics of
Use synonyms
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
.
Introvert
Replace the word
Introverted
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will gain more advantages by living in
apartments
Use synonyms
 because
this
Linking Words
place
Use synonyms
 offer personal
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 with some facilities that make them comfortable. Meanwhile,
extrovert
Replace the word
extroverted
show examples
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 will suffer in the
apartments
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 loneliness and isolation. For me, I would prefer an apartment because I need security in the metropolitan city.

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language use
Consider varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to demonstrate a wider range of language skills. Adding a few more complex sentences or using synonyms could enhance the readability and interest of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporating more specific examples or personal anecdotes could strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive. Try to include at least one example that clearly supports each view discussed.
task achievement
Ensure a clear distinction between your own opinion and the discussion of both views by possibly dedicating a specific paragraph to your viewpoint, making it more prominent.
language use
Pay attention to minor spelling and grammar errors which could affect the clarity of your message. Proofreading could help in eliminating these mistakes.
structure
Your introduction conveys a clear topic and presents a personal stance which sets a good foundation for the essay.
content
You did well in discussing both views, highlighting the preferences of introverts and extroverts regarding apartment living, which shows a balanced consideration of the topic.
coherence
The essay shows a good degree of coherence, with paragraphs logically structured and consequently easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-rise apartment blocks
  • loneliness
  • unhappiness
  • community interaction
  • isolation
  • crowded environments
  • personalization
  • outdoor activities
  • enhanced security measures
  • amenities
  • stunning views
  • convenience
  • urban environments
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