Q: Many people think living in high-rise apartment blocks makes people feel lonely and unhappy, while others argue that it has advantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
Nowadays
people
prefer living in apartements
to living in houses. Correct your spelling
apartments
However
, there is ongoing debate regarding the benefit
and disadvantages Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
living
in Change preposition
of living
apartment
. Personally, I like living in an Add an article
an apartment
the apartment
apartement
because they offer a lot of facilities including security which Correct your spelling
apartment
crucial
for a metropolitan city.
Living in a high building Add a missing verb
is crucial
such
as an apartment will give more benefit
for Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
person
who need personal space. Fix the agreement mistake
people
This
type person
will lose their energy Change preposition
of person
everytime
they socialize with Replace the word
every time
community
Correct article usage
the community
hence
a crowded place
is not suitable for them. Moreover
, apartments
give a lot of facilities such
as gym
and minimarket, which make Correct article usage
a gym
people
feel convenience. The 24-hour security is also
available to help people
feel secure in the area which has high
rate of criminalities.
Meanwhile, Add an article
a high
people
who have personalities like extroverts will suffer when living in apartement
Correct your spelling
an apartment
due to
lack
of community interaction. Opposite to introverts, extroverts Correct article usage
a lack
need
socialize to gain their energy Add the particle
need to
hence
living in isolated
Add an article
an isolated
place
such
as apartement
will make them feel lonely. Correct your spelling
an apartment
Moreover
, it will be difficult to ask for some help in apartments
because people
who live there are more individualists.
In short, the decision to live in apartement
depends on the characteristics of Correct your spelling
an apartment
person
. Add an article
a person
the person
Introvert
Replace the word
Introverted
people
will gain more advantages by living in apartments
because this
place
offer personal place
with some facilities that make them comfortable. Meanwhile, Fix the agreement mistake
places
extrovert
Replace the word
extroverted
person
will suffer in the Fix the agreement mistake
people
apartments
due to
loneliness and isolation. For me, I would prefer an apartment because I need security in the metropolitan city.Submitted by kucinglab on
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language use
Consider varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to demonstrate a wider range of language skills. Adding a few more complex sentences or using synonyms could enhance the readability and interest of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporating more specific examples or personal anecdotes could strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive. Try to include at least one example that clearly supports each view discussed.
task achievement
Ensure a clear distinction between your own opinion and the discussion of both views by possibly dedicating a specific paragraph to your viewpoint, making it more prominent.
language use
Pay attention to minor spelling and grammar errors which could affect the clarity of your message. Proofreading could help in eliminating these mistakes.
structure
Your introduction conveys a clear topic and presents a personal stance which sets a good foundation for the essay.
content
You did well in discussing both views, highlighting the preferences of introverts and extroverts regarding apartment living, which shows a balanced consideration of the topic.
coherence
The essay shows a good degree of coherence, with paragraphs logically structured and consequently easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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