IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Internet users as percentage of population between 1999 and 2009 in 3 countries

#internet #users #percentage #population #countries
The line graph compares the proportions of people who use the
internet
 in 3 countries including the USA,
Canada
 and Mexico over the 10-year period from 1999 to 2009. Generally speaking, all three countries experienced a significant increase between 1999 and 2009. What stands out is that there were more
internet
 users in Mexico than two other nations.
To begin
 with, there were few Mexicans using the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 in 1999 with only around 4% of the population,
then
 the figure rose steadily and reached about 25% in 2005. The figures for the USA and
Canada
 were much higher in 1999, at approximately 20% and 12% respectively.
However
, the rate of
Canada
 witnessed a considerable growth and the number of Canadians using the
internet
 was equivalent to those in America, with 65% in the first years of the twenty-first century.
On the other hand
, by the first decade of the twenty-first century, the rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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internet
 access in Mexico went up moderately by only 5%.
While
 the percentage of the USA rose to around 80% in 2009,
Canada
 experienced the fastest growth in
the
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internet
 usage with almost 100%
internet
 users.
Submitted by bichngoc.ngochoa on

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Accuracy
Make sure to accurately interpret the data provided. Your analysis seems to misinterpret the standings of Mexico in comparison to the USA and Canada, which affects the accuracy of your response.
Clarity
To enhance the clarity of your response, presenting data comparisons and trends coherently within each paragraph would improve readability.
Language Use
Using a variety of sentence structures and developing paragraphs with a clear main idea supported by specific details can enrich your response.
Conclusion
A clear conclusion that summarizes the main trends observed could provide a stronger closure to your analysis.
Structure
The overall structure of the report is well organized, allowing for a logical flow of information.
Analysis
You successfully highlighted significant trends and comparisons between the countries over the given period, which is crucial for task achievement.
Supporting Examples
Using percentage figures to illustrate the changes was a good approach to support your main points with specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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