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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Most people enjoy holidays and the travel and tourism is a billion dollar industry. All over the world people are traveling either for business or pleasure or both. People who can afford to or have free time go away frequently for short holidays or on weekends. Others who are working or studying try to take a holiday at least once a year, away from home and work or studies. What are the benefits of travel? Give good reasons and specific examples to support your opinion.

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Many citizens like to take trips making tourism one of the largest income industries. Surrounds any state
people
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travel
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 both for business and leisure. There are two types of folks, frequent travelers who have much time and rarely travelers who are so busy that they just take that in long holidays. There are some
travel
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 advantages
such
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 as productivity enhancement and the regeneration of new experiences.
Firstly
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, taking time to go somewhere can increase human productivity. Scientific research states if a human rests for
travel
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,
thus
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 their body produces a dopamine effect which can bring happiness to them. Some
people
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 who do a routine job
such
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 as a corporate job become bored with their routine and
finally
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 feel burnout since they need to
travel
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 just to breathe freely.
This
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 is proven by mental health enthusiasts, who state to uplift productivity humans must decrease their stress levels by balancing the chemical hormones inside the body.
Moreover
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, exploring new places can create new experiences
such
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 as cultures and
people
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’s habits there.
For instance
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, many international tourists go to Bali, one of Indonesia's provinces, Bali is famous for its culture that become an attraction for many citizens. One of the cultures is the Menyama Braya concept,
this
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 theory brings society to respect all racial diversity since many
people
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 are so comfortable in Bali because of
this
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 idea. In conclusion, both performance development and generating unforgettable moments are the convenient things that can obtained by
traveling
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travelling
show examples
. Everyone should think about the benefit of taking time to rest likely taking a short journey with the
people
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 they love to make life more meaningful.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance the flow of your essay, consider varying your sentence structures more. This can add dynamism to your writing and engage the reader more effectively.
Lexical Resource
Integrating more complex vocabulary appropriately could further enrich your essay. While your language is clear and serves the purpose, higher-level vocabulary can demonstrate a greater command of the language.
Task Response
To strengthen your argument, consider discussing potential drawbacks of travel and then refuting these points or contrasting them with your main points. This can make your argument more balanced and persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively and reinforces your overall argument. It can be beneficial to reiterate the significance of what has been discussed in relation to the essay question.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively outlines the benefits of travel, successfully meeting the task requirements.
Task Achievement
You provided clear examples to support your points, such as the reference to Bali, which helps to solidify your argument with concrete evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, helps in the logical flow and understanding of your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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