Some believe that children should be taught from a young age how to handle money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, numerous countries adopt capitalism, so people need
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
money
if they want to live healthy and rich. Some argue that they should start to learn how to utilize money
from their childhood, and I completely agree with it following reasons that I will mention in this
essay.
Firstly
, education systems in most of
countries are not enough developed, so they frequently focus on subjects Change preposition
apply
which
Correct word choice
that
students
hardly use in their
future. Change the word
the
However
, knowledge of money
is required for almost everyone, which means that students
have to learn this
in their educational facilities rather than science or philosophy. For example
, math or laguage
are only needed for specific Correct your spelling
language
luggage
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
such
as researchers and teachers, so workers do not have an opportunity to utilize these but Add a missing verb
are face
face
with timing to need Replace the word
faced
fnancial knowlage
.
Correct your spelling
financial knowledge
Furthermore
, adults cannot usually spend numerous resources to study it, while
young people have so much time
to do so. For instance
, full-time
wokers
spend eight hours a day to work on average, which means that they can only have four hours a day because they normally spend twelve hours for sleep and leisure Correct your spelling
workers
time
. In contrast
, students
technically study anytime they want except sleep
and leisure Change preposition
for sleep
time
, so the amount of time
is over three times as much as workers have. Thus
, students
should smartly spend the
huge resources to learn about Correct article usage
apply
money
rather than other subjects.
In conclusion, since there are at least two crucial reasons for studying finance in childhood, including a lack of developed education systems and time
restriction
, children should Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
definetely
learn how to use their Correct your spelling
definitely
money
wisely from their childhood.Submitted by ryoga17.0325 on
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Task Achievement
Be cautious with generalizations and ensure your arguments are substantiated with diverse examples to strengthen them.
Coherence & Cohesion
Using a range of linking words can enhance the coherence of your essay. Consider diversifying your connectors to show contrast, cause, and effect more clearly.
Task Achievement
While discussing the importance of financial education, clarifying how it can be integrated into existing curriculums or suggesting specific pedagogical approaches could provide a more rounded argument.
Task Achievement
You've provided a clear stance and supported it with a structured argument, which is commendable.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were effectively used to frame your argument, demonstrating good essay structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points were well-supported and relevant to the prompt, showing a good understanding of the topic.
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