Some People say that music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and age together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
as much as to, on one hand, music relaxes us and makes us feel blissful. it's not resigned to age. In my opinion, music,
on the contrary
, unites all people, of all ages, different nations, races and religions. For example
, I can cite Dimash Kudaibergen, who was able to unite people all over the world and admire his singing. As well as
great eminent composers like Mozart, and Beethoven, whose creations have been appreciated by the world. I think that melody makes us happier. It's a whole art form. I am immersed in my world when I listen to my favorite
pieces from Ludovico Einaudi. To summarise, I agree that music unites everything and everyone.Change the spelling
favourite
Submitted by kooper507 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay in a more conventional way, with clear paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. This will enhance the readability and overall organization of your ideas.
task achievement
Providing a variety of examples from different contexts can help strengthen your argument. While the examples of Dimash Kudaibergen, Mozart, and Beethoven are excellent, considering adding more contemporary examples across different genres to showcase the wide impact of music.
task achievement
To improve score, expand on how exactly music brings people together, considering psychological, social, or even neuroscientific explanations. More detailed reasoning could provide a deeper understanding of your viewpoint.
task achievement
You've excellently shown how music transcends age, culture, and nationality, which is central to the essay question.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly reaffirms your stance, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay format.
task achievement
Using specific examples like Dimash Kudaibergen, Mozart, and Beethoven effectively supports your main point.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite