IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

During the 20th century, contact between different parts from the world has developed rapidly thanks to air travel and telecommunication. To what extent do you agree that societies benefit from the increased contact and closer relationships with foreigners brought by international?

#century #contact #parts #world #thanks #air #travel #telecommunication #societies #benefit #relationships #foreigners
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Nowadays, different parts
in
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of
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 the world are easier than in the past
in contacting
Change preposition
to contact
show examples
due to
 the advancements in air travel and telecommunication. From my perspective, I completely agree with
this
 assertion because of some reasons I will outline below.
Firstly
, international tourism and business contribute to economic development. The establishment of multinational companies
create
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creates
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 plenty
job
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of job
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 opportunities and
stimulate
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stimulates
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 local economies. That could lead to increased income and improved living standards for local residents. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, the trade of goods, services, and ideas between
differents
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different
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 nations
boost
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boosts
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 innovation and
drive
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drives
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 economic growth.
Moreover
, with global cooperation, they can work
togerther
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together
, share
resource
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resources
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, expertise, best practise, and so on… to
addres
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address
with
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apply
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some global issues like global warming,
over-population
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overpopulation
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 and finding sustainable solutions which benefit all communities.
Therefore
, increased contact and closer relationships with
foreigners
 play
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 vital part in enhancing society. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, the interaction with
foreigners
 promotes understanding among nations. When people from
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 backgrounds come together, they would have the chance to experience some costumes and traditional cultures.
This
 leads to a more inclusive and welcoming society, where
individuals’
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individuals
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 respect and accept each other differences by breaking down
barries
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barriers
show examples
 and
promorting
Correct your spelling
promoting
empathy.
Hence
, increased contact with
foreigners
 could give societies a hand to build stronger social
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 and create a sense of unity. In conclusion, the increase in
contacting
Replace the word
contact
show examples
 with
foreigners
 and closer relationships promotes some advantages
such
 as improving cultural exchange, boosting economic growth, enhancing understanding and fostering global cooperation. It is evident that people greatly benefit from
opportunities
Correct article usage
the opportunities
show examples
 of
international
Add an article
the international
show examples
 economy.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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Language Usage
Ensure consistent spelling of key terms (e.g., 'addition' instead of 'addtion', 'different' instead of 'diffirents').
Sentence Structure
To enhance clarity, use a variety of sentence structures and avoid repetition of phrases.
Supporting Arguments
For a stronger argument, provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
Conclusion
Consider refining the conclusion to more clearly summarize the main points and reiterate the significance of your argument.
Introduction
Successfully introduced the topic and outlined your viewpoint clearly.
Coherence
Logical structure of paragraphs enhances the coherence of your argument.
Cohesion
Effective use of topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea.
Conclusion
A strong conclusion that reiterates your position and summarizes the key points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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