IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that schools should teach students good behavior as well as other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #schools #students #behavior #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
show examples
 believe
while
Linking Words
 schools educate
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 well
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 an other side thought how can develop in society really most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 school be a place
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
children
Use synonyms
learned
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 how can
Use synonyms
behavior
Replace the word
behave
show examples
 that they
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a perfect everywhere and I agree with
issue
Correct determiner usage
this issue
show examples
.schools
Correct your spelling
schools
 are
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
important for our
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 because
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 teach to them and bring up them ,we can make their future and make
country
Use synonyms
 future by them.
Firstly
Linking Words
 we can say a part of
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 by a family and their culture
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
 to
children
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as how can have food with
hand
Correct article usage
a hand
show examples
 or spoon that they can eat food on
dining
Add an article
the dining
a dining
show examples
 table or on the land ,when a meet
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 older than own ,
firstly
Linking Words
 say hi and respect to older people .and different things that they learn in
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 but
children
Use synonyms
 have to learn how can treatment in community with their boss , their colleague ,a seller ,how they can speak
while
Linking Words
 to seem informal ,formal or
semi formal
Add a hyphen
semi-formal
show examples
 that I think school is a phenomenal location teaching to
children
Use synonyms
 .On the other side ,if we develop
this
Linking Words
 teaching in the professional condition , society
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 a wonderful teacher that can teach to
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
however
Linking Words
 when we have
a train
Correct the article-noun agreement
train children
a train child
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 that we have
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
trained teachers in our commonwealth until they can educate
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 in the best version .
such
Linking Words
 as ,in Japan teach to three years old
children
Use synonyms
 how can clean and tidy our surrounding and when ate a food must
took
Change the verb form
take
show examples
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 our plate and put in the sink or explained about
environment
Add an article
the environment
an environment
show examples
 that how they could keep clean and protect it. Japan is the best
country
Use synonyms
 we can our pattern
for protected
Change preposition
to protect
show examples
 our
country
Use synonyms
 .So if
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
 pattern
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in school they can learn
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perfect form and when they grow up they can control
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 in the best form and they have enough knowledge about
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
 and learn how can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
update
Replace the word
updated
show examples
 and how
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in
different
Add an article
the different
a different
show examples
 condition that get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good feedback .
Submitted by mayaghini on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Try to use a clear thesis statement in the introduction to express your opinion clearly.
Structure
Organize your ideas into paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by examples or explanations.
Linking
Work on using a range of linking words to connect ideas within and across paragraphs more effectively.
Examples
Focus on clarity and specificity in your examples to directly support your main points.
Conclusion
Aim for a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
Topic Engagement
You've engaged well with the topic and shown understanding of the importance of teaching good behavior in schools.
Use of Examples
You've attempted to provide examples, which helps support your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: