Many working people get very little or no exercise causing health problems. what are the causes and what is the solution to this problem.

#people #exercise #health

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There is a tendency of

sedentry

Correct your spelling

sedentary

lifestyle among the people who are employed, which is causing serious medical issues including obesity and diabetes.

This

Linking Words

behaviour of avoiding exercise is

atrributed

Correct your spelling

attributed

by most individuals to

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

time

Use synonyms

and

busy

Correct article usage

a busy

show examples

routine which can be sorted out by relaxing working

hours

Use synonyms

and having

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mandatory physical training at

Use synonyms

work places

Correct your spelling

workplaces

show examples

. With the rising inflation, the masses are forced to

work

Use synonyms

for longer

hours

Use synonyms

to earn money.Some people do more than one job to

cater for

Verb problem

cover

show examples

the

Change the word

their

show examples

expenses.They leave early in the morning and come back home late in the evening.I know one of my

cousin

Fix the agreement mistake

cousins

show examples

who is a teacher at primary school.After

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school

Use synonyms

time

Add a comma

time,

show examples

he works as an

assisstant

Correct your spelling

assistant

manager in the evening

hours

Use synonyms

at a local company.He has been

following

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

routine for five years which has caused him to become overweight and develop joint problems.

In addition

Linking Words

, lack of motivation is another factor that prevents the populace from adopting a healthy lifestyle.My sister after coming back from duty in a hospital is always feeling lethargic and goes to bed immediately. There are a number of ways to deal with

this

Linking Words

menace of

sedentary

Add an article

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle.First of all, the governments should enforce the working

hours

Use synonyms

for every sector.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the

comapnies

Correct your spelling

companies

and factories should relax the

work

Use synonyms

routine for employees.Many departments have started implementation of

such

Linking Words

policies.

For instance

Linking Words

, the executive of

Correct article usage

a suzuki

show examples

suzuki

Change the capitalization

Suzuki

show examples

workshop in our country ordered employees to stop taking the cars for service after 1500hrs, so that staff could leave for their homes on

time

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, the compulsory games period in the institutions can improve the

overall

Linking Words

health of citizens.In military set up

Linking Words

for

Add the comma(s)

, for

show examples

example, there is a specified

time

Use synonyms

allocated for the physical activity in which everyone has to

participte

Correct your spelling

participate

This

Linking Words

model can be adopted by other organizations.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, there should be more gyms at the place of duty.It will

also

Linking Words

encourage the employees to be more active.

Finally

Linking Words

, the problem of

casual

Add an article

a casual

show examples

attitude towards health can be overcome by regular counselling of

Use synonyms

work force

Correct your spelling

workforce

show examples

by the psychologist. In a nutshell, the

dialemma

Correct your spelling

dilemma

of a monotonous job routine

due to

Linking Words

overstressed and overburdened individuals in a society can be managed by giving them proper

time

Use synonyms

and place for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

healthful activities.

Submitted by alishah2294 on Wed Apr 17 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar

Ensure consistent use of tenses throughout the essay. This will improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Style

Consider varying your sentence structure to include more complex and compound sentences. This variety can make your writing more engaging and sophisticated.

Spelling

Pay attention to spelling, including the correct forms of words such as 'sedentary' instead of 'sedentry,' and proper nouns, to maintain a high level of professionalism in your writing.

Coherence and Cohesion

To further enhance coherence, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This can help to more clearly connect your ideas and improve the flow of your essay.

Content

You provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments and makes your essay more engaging.

Task Achievement

Your essay effectively addresses the causes and solutions of the issue, showing a comprehensive understanding of the task requirement.

Structure

The introduction and conclusion are clear and present, effectively framing your essay and summarizing your main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

366 words

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Many working people get very little or no exercise causing health problems. what are the causes and what is the solution to this problem.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with statement?

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Schools should stop using books for teaching children as they find them.boring and use films tv and computer instead . to what extent do you agree and disagree?

a lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main course of income. unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctry. what are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world? do you think that benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?