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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Competitiveness is seen as a positive quality for people to have in many societies today. How does this competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative quality?

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It is widely acknowledged that, in contemporary
society
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,
competitiveness
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 is a great
quality
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 for individuals to possess.
This
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 essay will examine how
this
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situtation
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situation
affect
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affects
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people
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 and issue my own perspective that
this
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quality
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 is positive at individual and societal levels. In the first place,
this
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quality
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 not only brings advantages to
people
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 drawbacks. Primarily, the impacts are beneficial.
This
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quality
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enable
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enables
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people
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 to make progress.
For instance
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, in order to
seperate
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separate
 themselves from others in
such
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 a
competitve
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competitive
society
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,
people
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 may push themselves to learn a new skill to expand their repertoires. In
such
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process
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a process
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, everyone's ability can be gradually improved.
Additionally
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, we cannot deny that
competitiveness
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 sometimes may lead to
a detrimental effects
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detrimental effects
a detrimental effect
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. Inappropriate
competitions
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competition
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 would make
people
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 feel stressed out and overwhelmed, thereby, there is a high possibility for
people
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 to get
a psychological problems
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psychological problems
a psychological problem
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.
That is
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also
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 the reason why there are so many
people
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 today
commit
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who commit
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 suicide because of depression. In the second place, even if
competitiveness
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 is a double-edged sword, in general, it will contribute more to individuals' growth and
the
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apply
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social development. As for citizens, who live in a
society
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 filled with competition, it is vital for
people
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, especially those young adults who just graduated from university and got into
workplace
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the workplace
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, to compete with others as they will be knocked out if they refuse to engage in
competions
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competitions
. In terms of the whole
society
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,
competitiveness
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 can serve as an inspiration and motivation for promoting innovation, which is an indispensable capability a country should have for inventing advanced technology.
Moreover
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, when more and more
people
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 constantly improve themselves,
society
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 can have an increasing number of well-educated workforce to boost the societal economy. In conclusion,
competitiveness
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 has
positve
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positive
 and negative effects simultaneously. Excessive and unhealthy competition may cause problems,
while
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 the most visible impacts are advantageous. On balance, I believe, it is a positive
quality
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 which is helpful for
society
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 and
people
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.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Clarify and elaborate your main points more cohesively, ensuring a smoother flow between ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports your overall position, avoiding any contradictions or ambiguities.
Task Achievement
Provide more varied and specific examples to strengthen your argument and support your claims.
Task Achievement
You've presented a well-rounded view on competitiveness, demonstrating both positive and negative aspects effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay structure is logical, helping readers follow your argument easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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