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Competitiveness is seen as a positive quality for people to have in many societies today. How does this competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative quality?

#competitiveness #quality #people #societies #individuals
It is widely acknowledged that, in contemporary
society
,
competitiveness
 is a great
quality
 for individuals to possess.
This
 essay will examine how
this
situtation
Correct your spelling
situation
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
people
 and issue my own perspective that
this
quality
 is positive at individual and societal levels. In the first place,
this
quality
 not only brings advantages to
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 drawbacks. Primarily, the impacts are beneficial.
This
quality
enable
Change the verb form
enables
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people
 to make progress.
For instance
, in order to
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 themselves from others in
such
 a
competitve
Correct your spelling
competitive
society
,
people
 may push themselves to learn a new skill to expand their repertoires. In
such
process
Correct article usage
a process
show examples
, everyone's ability can be gradually improved.
Additionally
, we cannot deny that
competitiveness
 sometimes may lead to
a detrimental effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
detrimental effects
a detrimental effect
show examples
. Inappropriate
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
 would make
people
 feel stressed out and overwhelmed, thereby, there is a high possibility for
people
 to get
a psychological problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
psychological problems
a psychological problem
show examples
.
That is
also
 the reason why there are so many
people
 today
commit
Correct pronoun usage
who commit
show examples
 suicide because of depression. In the second place, even if
competitiveness
 is a double-edged sword, in general, it will contribute more to individuals' growth and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social development. As for citizens, who live in a
society
 filled with competition, it is vital for
people
, especially those young adults who just graduated from university and got into
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
, to compete with others as they will be knocked out if they refuse to engage in
competions
Correct your spelling
competitions
. In terms of the whole
society
,
competitiveness
 can serve as an inspiration and motivation for promoting innovation, which is an indispensable capability a country should have for inventing advanced technology.
Moreover
, when more and more
people
 constantly improve themselves,
society
 can have an increasing number of well-educated workforce to boost the societal economy. In conclusion,
competitiveness
 has
positve
Correct your spelling
positive
 and negative effects simultaneously. Excessive and unhealthy competition may cause problems,
while
 the most visible impacts are advantageous. On balance, I believe, it is a positive
quality
 which is helpful for
society
 and
people
.
Submitted by Amber on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Clarify and elaborate your main points more cohesively, ensuring a smoother flow between ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports your overall position, avoiding any contradictions or ambiguities.
Task Achievement
Provide more varied and specific examples to strengthen your argument and support your claims.
Task Achievement
You've presented a well-rounded view on competitiveness, demonstrating both positive and negative aspects effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay structure is logical, helping readers follow your argument easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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