IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The Pie chart below show the main reasons why agricultural land becomes Iess productivitive. The table shows how these causes affected regions of the world during the 1990s.

The Pie chart below show the main reasons why agricultural land becomes Iess productivitive. The table shows how these causes affected regions of the world during the 1990s.
#show #land #iess #productivitive #regions #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie chart above shows the
overall
 causes of
worldwide
Correct article usage
the worldwide
show examples
degradation
 of
agriculural
Correct your spelling
agricultural
land
. The whole chart has been divided
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 four sections in which the major reason for
this
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
 over-gazing.
Overgazing
Correct your spelling
Overgrazing
show examples
 contributes about 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
whereas
 over-cultivation seems to be the less among all. The table given depicts the total
land
degradation
 based on the 3 sections of North
America
, Europe and
Oceania
. In
this
, Europe stands
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top of the list with 23
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of total
land
degradation
. Especially in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of deforestation, the country shows a significant difference from the other two. North
America
 shows
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very
less
Correct word choice
little
show examples
 contribution to
this
 with 5 percent of
overall
land
degradation
.
Oceania
 requires
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
wide applause for the zero contribution to the over-cultivation.
To conclude
, North
America
 seems to be the model
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
land
degradation
due to
 very
less
Correct word choice
little
show examples
 contribution to the
overall
less
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 productivity of
land
.
Secound
Correct your spelling
Second
 comes
Oceania
. Though there is a huge difference between North
America
 and
Oceania
,
Oceania
 is much better when compared to Europe.
Submitted by praneeth2094 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words degradation, land, america, oceania with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: