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Band 4.5

Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary.　Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#effect #individuals #society #people #government #tax #foods #‘fat #tax’
These days, it is considered that it has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
 and their
society
 to eat unhealthy food. Some argue that a ‘fat
tax
’ should be determined by
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
,
while
 others think the task is not necessary because it will be unfair. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 unhealthy food
tax
 matter.
To begin
 with, many
people
 say that it is unfair for companies which produce
fat
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fatty
show examples
foods
 when　governments decide the
tax
. There are some
people
 who buy
foods
such
 as chips, candies or
meets
Correct your spelling
meat
show examples
, because they are cheaper than healthy
foods
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 if the
tax
 is made,
people
 will not purchase that kind of
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, and
then
, the companies' income will decline.
As a result
, some individuals will lose their jobs.
However
, I believe eating unhealthy
foods
 is adverse for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and
society
 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
tax
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them. There are many positive impacts when
people
 stop eating them because of the cost.
For example
,
people
 can avoid diabetes which is the reason for many
illness
Change to a plural noun
illnesses
show examples
, which is not only
advantage
Correct article usage
an advantage
show examples
 for
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 health but
also
 the best way for
society
 to cut
cost
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costs
show examples
 for medical care, and they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can invest
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 facilities
finally
. In conclusion, I consider that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
tax
 unhealthy food,
although
 sometimes it looks unfair. It will
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
people
 and
society
Correct article usage
the society
show examples
 where they live to more
healthy
Replace the word
healthier
show examples
 in the future.
Submitted by mayu1022.p on

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task response
Ensure a balanced coverage of both views before stating your opinion to fully respond to the task.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, adding depth and clarity to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and linking words to improve the flow of ideas and coherence.
language accuracy
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and inaccuracies. Proofreading can help eliminate these issues.
structure
Your essay effectively presents an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, showcasing a good structure.
task response
You have presented a clear opinion, which is good for the task response.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphing shows a clear separation of ideas, contributing to the essay's coherence.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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