In some culture, children are being told that they can achieve anything if they work hard.What are advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Nowadays, students are taught that nothing is
imposible
if they give their maximum effort Correct your spelling
impossible
in
their goal.The benefits of Change preposition
to
this
norms are
that contributes to self-confidence and enhances the Correct determiner usage
these
hardwork
. The drawbacks are that it deteriorates Correct your spelling
hard work
mental
health of the child and inhibits the time allocation for any Correct article usage
the mental
extra curricular
activities.In my point of view, I think the advantages Correct your spelling
extracurricular
are outweigh
the disadvantages.
The main pros Change the verb form
outweigh
from
the statement which says that the Change preposition
of
Correct your spelling
hard work
hardwork
allows
to achieve anything is that it induces the self-esteem of every peer. A student can Correct your spelling
work
helieve
in himself by Correct your spelling
believe
this
norm without thinking about other external factors. In addition
, it acts as an incentive to target the goals by giving maximum effort. For instance
, Dr.
Abdul Change the punctuation
Dr
kaluan
who was Change the capitalization
Kaluan
the
scientist from India came from a family which had lower economic status. In an interview, he said that he succeeded in his life as he thought that he Correct article usage
a
can
get anything by his efforts. Wrong verb form
could
Consequently
, he became the president of India by running to reach his dreams.
In contrast
, there are many cons related to Add an article
the above
above compelled
statement. The main drawback is that it might worsen the mental well-being of a child if he Add a hyphen
above-compelled
did
not achieve his goal. Wrong verb form
does
For example
, one child in India suicided
Replace the word
suicide
since
he could not get the first rank in Correct word choice
because
school
term test Correct article usage
a school
eventhough
he tried Correct your spelling
even though
at
his best.
Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, working all over the
time for Correct article usage
apply
the
ambition affects the day-to-day Correct article usage
apply
actvities
of students. They mostly allocate all of their Correct your spelling
activities
a
time to trying for their targets and not to Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
extra curricular
activities Correct your spelling
extracurricular
such
as physical exercise. As a result
, they might affected by non communicable
diseases Add a hyphen
non-communicable
at
their early childhood.
In conclusion, there are many advantages and
disadvantages related to the statement which insists that hard work gives everything. Change preposition
in
Main
benefits are that it induces Correct article usage
The main
the
Correct article usage
apply
self confidence
and improves productivity. The drawbacks are it affects Add a hyphen
self-confidence
the
mental health and creates boredom. In my opinion, I think the pros outweigh the cons.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by shanaparamesh on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Language Use
Consider varying your sentence structures more to showcase a wider range of grammatical forms.
Accuracy
Check your essay for small spelling errors and typos to improve the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on refining the linking of ideas and paragraphs with smoother transitions to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Response
Try to include a more explicit thesis statement in your introduction for a clearer presentation of your argument.
Task Achievement
Consider balancing the development of your points for both advantages and disadvantages to prevent any bias and ensure a well-rounded argument.
Content
You have used relevant examples effectively to support your points.
Task Response
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, fulfilling the task requirement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've maintained a clear position throughout the essay, contributing to its coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.