In some culture, children are being told that they can achieve anything if they work hard.What are advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Nowadays, students are taught that nothing is
imposible
Correct your spelling
impossible
if they give their maximum effort
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
their goal.The benefits of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
norms are that contributes to self-confidence and enhances the
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
. The drawbacks are that it deteriorates
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
health of the child and inhibits the time allocation for any
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
activities.In my point of view, I think the advantages
are outweigh
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
the disadvantages. The main pros
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the statement which says that the
Correct your spelling
hard work
hardwork
Correct your spelling
work
allows to achieve anything is that it induces the self-esteem of every peer. A student can
helieve
Correct your spelling
believe
in himself by
this
norm without thinking about other external factors.
In addition
, it acts as an incentive to target the goals by giving maximum effort.
For instance
,
Dr.
Change the punctuation
Dr
show examples
Abdul
kaluan
Change the capitalization
Kaluan
show examples
who was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
scientist from India came from a family which had lower economic status. In an interview, he said that he succeeded in his life as he thought that he
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
get anything by his efforts.
Consequently
, he became the president of India by running to reach his dreams.
In contrast
, there are many cons related to
Add an article
the above
show examples
above compelled
Add a hyphen
above-compelled
show examples
statement. The main drawback is that it might worsen the mental well-being of a child if he
did
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
not achieve his goal.
For example
, one child in India
suicided
Replace the word
suicide
show examples
since
Correct word choice
because
show examples
he could not get the first rank in
school
Correct article usage
a school
show examples
term test
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
he tried
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his best.
Moreover
, working all over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ambition affects the day-to-day
actvities
Correct your spelling
activities
of students. They mostly allocate all of their
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time to trying for their targets and not to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
activities
such
as physical exercise.
As a result
, they might affected by
non communicable
Add a hyphen
non-communicable
show examples
diseases
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
their early childhood. In conclusion, there are many advantages and disadvantages related to the statement which insists that hard work gives everything.
Main
Correct article usage
The main
show examples
benefits are that it induces
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
and improves productivity. The drawbacks are it affects
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health and creates boredom. In my opinion, I think the pros outweigh the cons.
Submitted by shanaparamesh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language Use
Consider varying your sentence structures more to showcase a wider range of grammatical forms.
Accuracy
Check your essay for small spelling errors and typos to improve the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on refining the linking of ideas and paragraphs with smoother transitions to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Response
Try to include a more explicit thesis statement in your introduction for a clearer presentation of your argument.
Task Achievement
Consider balancing the development of your points for both advantages and disadvantages to prevent any bias and ensure a well-rounded argument.
Content
You have used relevant examples effectively to support your points.
Task Response
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, fulfilling the task requirement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've maintained a clear position throughout the essay, contributing to its coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: