Some people think that all young people should be required to stay in full-time education until at least the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Youngsters should engage themselves in
the
full-time Correct article usage
apply
education
until the high school curriculum is finished. From my perspective, it is a great tool for a student and a lot of benefits will help him in his future. This
essay will examine further
the advantages of a
continuous Remove the article
apply
education
.
To begin
with, students who wish to fulfil their dream to become
a professional in any career Change preposition
of becoming
then
they need to show their capabilities by passing exams with better grades. This
is only possible if they focus completely upon
their studies by pursuing Change preposition
on
it
in a full-time manner. Correct pronoun usage
them
For instance
, in a country like India, there are many entrance exams held to test the mental integrity as well as
capabilities of an individual to handle pressure by taking some of the toughest exams to get admission in the medical or the
engineering schools. Correct article usage
apply
This
can only happen if a student indulge
in a full-time study which will help him to become as resilient as their profession requires him to be.
Change the verb form
indulges
Furthermore
, students must be disciplined to follow a certain schedule for their studies so that they become habitual to gain knowledge everyday
. Gradually, they will start believing that Replace the word
every day
education
is a lifelong journey. It has to be continued for the whole life to gain new skills and succeed in any career. To exemplify, the pupils who are disciplined during their school lives to gain knowledge contionuously
Correct your spelling
continuously
they
ensure that they always take steps Correct pronoun usage
apply
further
in their life to keep on gaining new skills and they easily learn them. A foreign
language learning could be a daunting task for someone who discontinues Correct article usage
Foreign
education
however
the one who keeps on upskilling himself can easily grasp any new language. Thus
, a discipline to follow a routine is essential to carry on education
for the whole life.
In conclusion, school
teaches people to become disciplined and trained professionals in their respective careers Add an article
the school
while
continuing it in a regular way and part-time education
fails to impart such
benefits for an individual.Submitted by Kiran on
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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear position with relevant examples, which greatly supports your argument. To enhance your task achievement, ensure that each paragraph directly supports your opinion in a nuanced manner.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words. This will help the flow of ideas and make your arguments more compelling.
Examples
You made good use of relevant examples to support your points, particularly with the reference to entrance exams in India, which adds depth and clarity to your argument.
Structure
The essay structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This structure supports the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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