Some people believe that the best way to improve the general well-being of school children is to make physical education compulsory in all schools. Others, however, think that this would have little effect on overall health and other measures are needed. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #school #children #education #schools #effect #health #measures

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The one

Correct article usage

One

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of the highly controversial

issue

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issues

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today relates to whether physical

education

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course

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courses

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Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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either

Correct word choice

apply

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mandatory in the

school

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curriculum or not.

Nevertheless

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this

Linking Words

subject

have

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has

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less impact on

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health related

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health-related

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issues and some other measurements should be taken. In

this

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essay, I am going to examine

this

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question from both points of view and

then

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giving

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give

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my opinion on the matter. One

school

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of thought holds that the well-being of

school

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kids should be improved through teaching them physical

education

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in their daily

routine

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routines

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. The prime reason for believing

this

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is that it increases the physical fitness and boosts

mental

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the mental

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health

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of the

children

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As well as

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, it promotes a healthy lifestyle

such

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as taking

good

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a good

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diet, doing exercise and yoga and pursuing sports activities.

In addition

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this

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, it

also

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teaches how to stay and work in a team with full

co-operation

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cooperation

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along

wtih

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with

maintaining discipline in the lives of

children

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. On the flip side, other sections of society claim that making PE compulsory does not address underlying dietary issues or sometimes it could lead to negative impacts for less athletic

children

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. To

illustarte

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illustrate

this

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, a survey

has been

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was

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conducted in

United

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the United

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states

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States

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and

United

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the United

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Kingdom about a year ago, which shows

the

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that

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80%

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school

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of school

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children

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who have studied

with

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apply

show examples

Physical

education

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they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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might not have

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a significantly

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significantly

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significant

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impact on their

overall

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health

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without some broader lifestyle changes.

Furthermore

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, some alternative

measurements

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measures

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should be adopted for improving

children

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's well-being.

firslty

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Firstly

, schools must

implementing

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implement

be implementing

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more holistic

health

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programmes which address the mental, emotional and physical

health

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of infants and

giving

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give

be giving

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access to mental

health

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resources as well. what's more, fostering

such

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environments for kids

which

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apply

show examples

helps to reduce their stress and encourage them in physical activity in

fun

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a fun

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and enjoyable way. In conclusion, after analyzing both sides of the

arguement

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argument

, I think that both these views have their merits. On balance,

however

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, it is felt that,

although

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physical

education

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is indeed important among

school

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kids, it must be part of a

mutlifacted

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multifaceted

multi-faceted

approach that

also

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icludes

Correct your spelling

includes

education

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on nutrition and mental support as well.

Submitted by deepnimrat553 on Thu Apr 18 2024

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Grammar & Spelling

Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity and professionalism. For example, 'The one of the highly controversial issue today relates to...' could be corrected to 'One highly controversial issue today relates to...'.

Specific Examples & Development

Develop your argument further by providing more specific examples and elaborating on the alternatives to physical education in more detail. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more complete response to the prompt.

Cohesion

Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can help your essay to be more cohesive and easier to follow.

Balanced Argument

Your essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.

Effective Conclusion

The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and delivers a clear opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

346 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

compulsory
general well-being
physical fitness
mental health
a healthy lifestyle
teamwork
discipline
dietary issues
holistic health programs
nutritional education
inclusive environments
multifaceted approach
fostering a culture
mental health support

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