Some people think that criminals should be given longer term imprisonment, so as to reduce the crime rate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A handful of individuals believe that the
crime
rate
could be reduced by putting criminals behind bars for a longer duration. I strongly disagree with the statement while
punishing offenders is important, it is not the only way to improve violations.
Instances of murder, robbery, and theft are increasing at an exponential rate
though the offenders are punished and imprisoned that does not help in lowering the crime
rate
. One of the primary reasons for increasing wrongdoing is poverty since basic human needs are not met , they get inclined towards committing a crime
. Why developing countries like Pakistan & Iran have such
high voilations
, it is Correct your spelling
violations
due to
people not having access to basic amenities such
as food , education , housing and so on. If the government works on reducing the social economic
imbalances by providing Correct word choice
and economic
with
basic amenities Change preposition
apply
then
crime
rates can definitely go down.
Moreover
, there is a direct correlation between unlawful act
and unemployment. Fix the agreement mistake
acts
For instance
, developing nations always show 60% higher crime
rates than developed nations as the economy cannot sustain employment to
all individuals. Since people do not have a regular source of income, they get easily swayed to commit Change preposition
for
such
gruesome offenses
as they need finances to sustain the needs of Change the spelling
offences
thier
family. Sweden has Correct your spelling
their
very
low Correct article usage
a very
crime
rate
due to
low
unemployment Correct article usage
a low
rate
of 5%.
In conclusion, increased illegal acts are a true representation on
how well a nation is doing economically and socially. Providing better employment opportunities and taking care of the poor can lead to lower Change preposition
of
crime
ratesSubmitted by sakshi.s16 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction Clarity
Ensure your introduction more clearly presents your opinion on the topic to provide a strong foundation for your argument.
Linking Words Usage
Utilize a variety of linking words to enhance the flow between ideas and ensure the essay reads smoothly.
Specific Examples
Try to include more specific examples that directly support your argument to strengthen your case.
Conclusion Impact
Consider revisiting your conclusion to more effectively summarize your argument and restate your stance, ensuring it leaves a lasting impact on the reader.
Understanding of Topic
Your essay provides a thoughtful perspective on the issue, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Essay Organization
You successfully organized your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Supporting Arguments
The main points are supported by general examples and reasoning, making your argument more convincing.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite