IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary world, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the most effective
measures
Fix the agreement mistake
measure
show examples
 to encourage employees is to pay a suitable salary based on their
productivity
Use synonyms
 and the consumption they sell. In my point of view, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion, but it's just for
people
Use synonyms
 who work in
companies
Use synonyms
. First of all, every employee needs a good income to build a stable financial system to help their families. So,
companies
Use synonyms
 have taken advantage of
this
Linking Words
 motivation to pay their employees based on their performance. Or, it can be explained that the
companies
Use synonyms
 offer more
money
Use synonyms
 to
people
Use synonyms
 who work more effectively and are more productive.
For instance
Linking Words
, a car salesman who completes 3 contracts with customers in a month will receive a better salary and
also
Linking Words
 have bonuses for completing the job well and reaching the set targets.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, one employee who just completed 1 contract or just sold the only car in a month will not bring
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
prize
money
Use synonyms
 for themself.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, individuals who earn higher income tend to have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 standard of living and
also
Linking Words
 spend more
money
Use synonyms
 doing their dreams and all types of activities they like
such
Linking Words
 as travelling,
investment
Replace the word
investing
show examples
 or just saving
money
Use synonyms
 to help their families in some necessary situations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some different jobs that do not have rewards based on their
productivity
Use synonyms
 like service industries, especially government jobs
such
Linking Words
 as policies,
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
, doctors, etc. To explain that, these jobs are all their responsibility so we cannot evaluate or pay salaries based on their
productivity
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a doctor who saves 10
people
Use synonyms
 in a month will receive the same salary as a doctor who saves 10
people
Use synonyms
 in a day because it is their responsibility to their patients. In conclusion, from my standpoint, improving employees'
productivity
Use synonyms
 by giving them rewards for achieving their goals is not the best
methods
Fix the agreement mistake
method
show examples
 to boost motivation but it is an effective and positive
measures
Correct the article-noun agreement
measure
show examples
 to reach more production in
companies
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Clarity
Consider developing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to enhance task response.
Task Response Balance
Aim to provide a more balanced view when discussing different perspectives to fully address the task.
Linking Words Usage
Use a wider range of linking phrases to improve flow and cohesion between ideas.
Grammar and Accuracy
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and typos which distract from your message.
Use of Examples
Provided specific examples to support your arguments, enhancing task achievement.
Essay Structure
Your essay structure was coherent, with a clear division between paragraphs.
Topic Engagement
You effectively engaged with the topic and demonstrated a clear understanding of the subject.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • motivate
  • encourage
  • productivity
  • performance-based pay
  • objective assessment
  • collaboration
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • stress
  • burnout
  • job satisfaction
  • compensation strategy
  • quantify
  • supportive work environment
  • professional development
  • recognition programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: