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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the total number of hours per month from 1980 to 2015 that people in the USA used modern technology divided into four categories. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the total number of hours per month from 1980 to 2015 that people in the USA used modern technology divided into four categories. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#hours #month #people #usa #technology #four #categories #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given chart illustrates how many
hours
 per month
did
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people
 in the United States of America
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
four
Change preposition
on four
show examples
 different categories of electronic devices between 1980 and 2015.
Overall
, it is clearly seen that
people
 used to listen to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 radio
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 than 300
hours
 monthly from 1980 to 1990,
while
people
 spent many
hours
to use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
 their computers and smartphones after 2010. In detail, the figure for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television gradually increased until 2010 from nearly 50
hours
 to 200
hours
 despite there was a slight decrease of 10
hours
 from 2015.
Computer
Add an article
The computer
show examples
 was not popular among
people
 in the past. Until 1900, the figure for a
computer
 stayed constant,
in contrast
, there was a slight increase of 30
hours
 in 1995.
In addition
, it is noteworthy that
hours
 for using a
computer
 increased rapidly, and it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than 350
hours
 in 2010. The largest number of
hours
 per month was a
computer
 both in 2010 and in 2015. Turning to the figure for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
radio, there was a sudden reduction from 1990
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and kept decreasing until 2015, which is indicated the lowest number of
hours
 in 2015 among different four categories. Nearly none of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 in the past between 1985 and 2000 used smartphones.
However
, after 2000,
people
 started to
using
Change the form of the verb
use
show examples
 smartphones, and it began with 50
hours
 per month.
Following
this
, it grew
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abruptly over a
15-years
Fix the agreement mistake
15-year
show examples
 period, eventually
reached at
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 350
hours
 monthly.
Submitted by dmdql2708 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, people, computer with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern technology
  • significant increase
  • notable milestone
  • growth rate
  • usage patterns
  • comparative analysis
  • fluctuations
  • exponential growth
  • steady rise
  • decline
  • peak
  • trend
  • data analysis
  • overall trend
  • compared to
  • demonstrate
  • illustrate
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