IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, it is a noticeable phenomenon that businesses are more likely to highlight the innovation of their product.
Such
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modern
Correct article usage
a modern
show examples
 trend, in my point of view, does more good than harm. The
reson
Correct your spelling
reason
 behind it is obvious.
Firstly
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, in
this
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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, with the advanced
development
Use synonyms
 of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
, more and more
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been established.
Therefore
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, the commercial environment becomes increasingly competitive.
This
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 means that companies
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to
continuosly
Correct your spelling
continuously
providing
Change the verb
provide
show examples
 new
products
Use synonyms
 to the public to ensure their occupation in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Moreover
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,
people
Use synonyms
 are experiencing a
fast-pace
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
 lifestyle with overloaded information and options nowadays. In consequence,
people
Use synonyms
 make replacement easier and more frequently. Admittedly, there are some disadvantages
bought
Correct your spelling
brought
show examples
 by
this
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
, one of which is that it may contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a bad influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the environment.
This
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 may be
resonable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
 to some
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
 because with the strong
impact
Add a comma
impact,
show examples
 the advertisements may affect the audiences,
people
Use synonyms
 may discard their
peossessions
Correct your spelling
possessions
possession
 more frequently,
therefore
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, more waste will be caused.
For example
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, there is a noticeable phenomenon that,
people
Use synonyms
 would like to go after the trend to
purchase
Use synonyms
 new
products
Use synonyms
, especially for phones or luxuries like Apple or Chanel. When a new product is released,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will choose to
purchase
Use synonyms
 the old
products
Use synonyms
. In consequence, not only
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 but
also
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 the industries may
abandoned
Change the verb form
abandon
show examples
 their old
products
Use synonyms
, creating more waste that can harm the environment.
However
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, I strongly believe that the advantages of
this
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 phenomenon far outweigh the drawbacks.
Firstly
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, it is commonly recognized that
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive competition among industries can boost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development
Use synonyms
 among them. If a company bring a new invention to the public and
emphasised
Wrong verb form
emphasises
show examples
 it in
commercial
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials
show examples
, it may encourage
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 to discover deeper in the professional areas.
For example
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, when Samsung first brought out foldable phones, other brands like vivo and OPPO
also
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do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 and
pay
Wrong verb form
paid
show examples
 attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
express
Replace the word
expression
show examples
 and innovation of foldable phones.
Furthermore
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, brought more practical
products
Use synonyms
 to the public. Another compelling reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
emphasise
Replace the word
emphasis
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 promote the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
development
Use synonyms
 of the country. Generally speaking,
commercial
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials
show examples
 definitely can affect
comsumer
Correct your spelling
consumer
 behaviour, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may not only boost the number of
Use synonyms
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 more job opportunities.When the commercial
introducing
Wrong verb form
introduces
show examples
 a new product, it stimulates the will of
purchase
Use synonyms
 of the audience,
therefore
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, more trades will be made.
Furthermore
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, as a company earns money, it needs employees to work for them. Take Tesla
for example
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, when the
electrical
Replace the word
electric
show examples
 car was introduced to the audience, it
no
Add a missing verb
was no
show examples
 wonder encouraged more consumers. Meantime, as the company state grows, more job opportunities have been provided. To summarize,
while
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 opinions are
devided
Correct your spelling
divided
 on whether
this
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 trend is positive or detrimental, I am convinced that there are more
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 to consider.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that main points are supported by specific, detailed examples. While you have mentioned some examples, further elaboration would strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a range of linking devices to improve the flow of your essay. While your essay progresses logically, more deliberate use of connectors could enhance the cohesion.
General
Proofread your essay to correct typographical and grammatical errors, as these can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Task Achievement
You have successfully addressed all parts of the task, presenting a clear opinion on the topic.
Content
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, with relevant arguments and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively used to frame your argument, showing a good structure.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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