IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customer travels to large shopping centre and mall to do shopping. Is it a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Lately, we observed how private, local shops are withdrawn by big chains. Certainly, small businesses should be supported by locals.
However
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 cannot afford higher prices set by private entrepreneurs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in
malls
Add a comma
malls,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can find multiple items they want to purchase. In consequence, they
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and money.
For example
Linking Words
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
through
Change preposition
to
show examples
 many destinations requires
to sit
Change the verb form
sitting
show examples
 for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
long hours in the car,
as well as
Linking Words
, it will be more expensive. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 value their free
time
Use synonyms
 more than anything. They prefer to resign from any form of wasting it .
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is so popular to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantage of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some owners of small stores suffer from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of clients. Despite selecting
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 products
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 company, they cannot meet modern
customers
Change noun form
customers'
customer's
show examples
 expectations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have to deal with limited resources namely,
people
Use synonyms
, suppliers and capital.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they are not able to be competitive. With
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, they need to close their firm and find a new job.
Such
Linking Words
 a difficult
time
Use synonyms
 in their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 can bring them
for instance
Linking Words
, financial instability, mental breakdowns, and be challenging for the rest of the family.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of the shopping industry caused
bankruptcy
Add an article
the bankruptcy
show examples
 of many local shops. Some benefits from it by decreasing
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 and gaining additional spare
time
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 event has
also
Linking Words
 some cons, since those who cannot attract clients need to change the industry.
Overall
Linking Words
, it influences positively most of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Be sure to directly address the question of whether the development is positive or negative from the introduction, maintaining a clear stance throughout.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and linking words to improve the flow and cohesion of your paragraphs.
task achievement
Incorporate more detailed examples and data to support your points, making them more compelling and comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in reader comprehension.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: