IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic: The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.

Topic: The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.
#topic #change #prices #three #metals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The supplied graph demonstrates how many changes have happened
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of three metals
such
Linking Words
 as zinc, copper and nickel in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
; nickel started with the highest price but ended
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 lowest
to compare
Change the verb form
compared
show examples
 to the others,
while
Linking Words
; copper has the completely opposite situation.
Moreover
Linking Words
;
zinc
Correct article usage
the zinc
show examples
 line has
been fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
show examples
 these months.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph; the price of nickel was 6 per
cent
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 January. it fell down to 1
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 May, and it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
steadily passed for the next month.
In addition
Linking Words
; it
sudden
Change the word
suddenly
show examples
 fell to -3 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in June and went up to -1
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 July. The trend
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was stable until September, and decreased
1
Change preposition
by 1
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 October but
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a spurt
growth
Change preposition
of growth
show examples
 for the
last
Linking Words
 month. Zinc rose to 3 per
cent
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 February, and it gradually peaked
down to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 -1 per
cent
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 June.
However
Linking Words
; it had a little growth for three months,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 came back to -1 the same as past. The line briskly came up to 2 per
cent
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 December. Copper started from 2 per
cent
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 January, and it was in fluctuated until July.
Furthermore
Linking Words
; the line was
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
 for 1 per
cent
Use synonyms
 until September but it had a reduction
then
Linking Words
 increased to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 2 per
cent
Use synonyms
 for the
last
Linking Words
 month.
Submitted by abhari1997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: