Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There is a common
believes
Replace the word
belief
show examples
among many
people
that having a
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
degree
is the only way to achieve their
dream
job
. I
am completely disagree
Change the verb form
completely disagree
show examples
with
this
argument, I
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
people
can still get their
dream
jobs
without having a university
degree
.
First,
the current education curriculum
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
already
place
Change the verb form
placed
show examples
a pathway for
student
Add an article
a student
show examples
to equip them with
necessary
Add an article
a necessary
the necessary
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
for their future
job
. In a vocational
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
the
students
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
already learned and doing field practices
together with
a trusted
instituion
Correct your spelling
institution
. As a teacher in vocational
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
I have had the experience to become a mentor and supervise
such
pograms
Correct your spelling
programs
. From those experiences, I have the confidence that my
students
already have the
skills
and
knowledge
to achieve their
dream
jobs
.
For example
one of my
students
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
an intern
job
in a
logistic
Fix the agreement mistake
logistics
show examples
company and developed a very good skill and
knowledge
, and
know
Correct your spelling
now
show examples
he has a
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
job
in that company. So from my own
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
, I have concluded that having
Correct article usage
a bachelor
show examples
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
degree
is not necessary
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
acquire a
job
.
Second,
in
this
modern era, technology has
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
the main source of information to
developed
Change the form of the verb
develop
show examples
a necessary skill and
knowledge
for a
job
. At
this
very
moment
Add a comma
moment,
show examples
students
can go to the internet and
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
for a particular
skills
or
knowledge
that they
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
for their
job
. There are a lot of free
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the internet that can
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
the common
people
with the
skills
and
knowledge
for the
job
,
this
is more simple
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
to spend a huge amount of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
university.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
the government has already started to support and provide their own free platform to equip common or uneducated
people
with the necessary
skills
and
knowledge
for the
job
requirement.
For example
ministry of
job
Capitalize word
Job
show examples
affair
Fix the agreement mistake
Affairs
show examples
has a website for everyone without any
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
degree
to
acquired
Change the form of the verb
acquire
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
very prominent
skills
in certain
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
. In conclusion, anyone even the uneducated, can have their
dream
jobs
as long as they use the current vocational schools or
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
technology
such
as
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
and computer,
in addition
having
Correct article usage
a bachelor
show examples
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
degree
is not necessary to have your
dream
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
.
Submitted by raymond.sebastianvl on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt, but it could benefit from a clearer and more nuanced argument. Consider adding more varied viewpoints to fully explore the topic.
coherence cohesion
Try to develop your paragraphs more thoroughly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, followed by explanations, examples, and a concluding sentence that ties back to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. This includes linking words and phrases that show contrast, addition, cause and effect, etc.
task response
Work on your grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity and readability.
task response
You provide specific examples from personal experience, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position, providing a good setup for the rest of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • guarantee a good job
  • university education
  • in-depth knowledge
  • specialized skills
  • professional fields
  • vocational training
  • apprenticeships
  • high-paying
  • fulfilling jobs
  • trades
  • self-taught skills
  • expertise
  • success
  • entrepreneurs
  • practical experience
  • personal drive
  • financial burden
  • tuition fees
  • student loans
  • alternative pathways
  • job market
  • valuing skills
  • formal education
  • hands-on ability
  • academic qualifications
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