Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
There is a common
believes
among many Replace the word
belief
people
that having a bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
degree
is the only way to achieve their dream
job
. I am completely disagree
with Change the verb form
completely disagree
this
argument, I believes
Change the verb form
believe
people
can still get their dream
jobs
without having a university degree
.
First,
the current education curriculum had
already Wrong verb form
has
place
a pathway for Change the verb form
placed
student
to equip them with Add an article
a student
necessary
Add an article
a necessary
the necessary
skill
for their future Fix the agreement mistake
skills
job
. In a vocational school
the Add a comma
school,
students
had
already learned and doing field practices Wrong verb form
have
together with
a trusted instituion
. As a teacher in vocational Correct your spelling
institution
school
I have had the experience to become a mentor and supervise Add a comma
school,
such
pograms
. From those experiences, I have the confidence that my Correct your spelling
programs
students
already have the skills
and knowledge
to achieve their dream
jobs
. For example
one of my students
have
an intern Correct subject-verb agreement
has
job
in a logistic
company and developed a very good skill and Fix the agreement mistake
logistics
knowledge
, and know
he has a Correct your spelling
now
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
job
in that company. So from my own experienced
, I have concluded that having Replace the word
experience
Correct article usage
a bachelor
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
degree
is not necessary for
acquire a Change preposition
to
job
.
Second,
in this
modern era, technology has becomes
the main source of information to Wrong verb form
become
developed
a necessary skill and Change the form of the verb
develop
knowledge
for a job
. At this
very moment
Add a comma
moment,
students
can go to the internet and looking
for a particular Wrong verb form
look
skills
or knowledge
that they needed
for their Wrong verb form
need
job
. There are a lot of free platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
in
the internet that can Change preposition
on
provides
the common Change the verb form
provide
people
with the skills
and knowledge
for the job
, this
is more simple then
Correct your spelling
than
have
to spend a huge amount of money Wrong verb form
having
in
university. Change preposition
on
In
addition
the government has already started to support and provide their own free platform to equip common or uneducated Add a comma
addition,
people
with the necessary skills
and knowledge
for the job
requirement. For example
ministry of job
Capitalize word
Job
affair
has a website for everyone without any Fix the agreement mistake
Affairs
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
degree
to acquired
Change the form of the verb
acquire
a
very prominent Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
skills
in certain field
.
In conclusion, anyone even the uneducated, can have their Fix the agreement mistake
fields
dream
jobs
as long as they use the current vocational schools or using
technology Wrong verb form
use
such
as Correct article usage
the internet
internet
and computer, Capitalize word
Internet
in addition
having Correct article usage
a bachelor
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
degree
is not necessary to have your dream
jobs
.Fix the agreement mistake
job
Submitted by raymond.sebastianvl on
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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt, but it could benefit from a clearer and more nuanced argument. Consider adding more varied viewpoints to fully explore the topic.
coherence cohesion
Try to develop your paragraphs more thoroughly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, followed by explanations, examples, and a concluding sentence that ties back to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. This includes linking words and phrases that show contrast, addition, cause and effect, etc.
task response
Work on your grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity and readability.
task response
You provide specific examples from personal experience, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position, providing a good setup for the rest of the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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