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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the average number of visitors per day to a park in the UK during a four-month period in 2015.

The bar chart shows the average number of visitors per day to a park in the UK during a four-month period in 2015.
The bar graph illustrates the information about
average
Add an article
the average
an average
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 figure of
people
Use synonyms
want
Correct pronoun usage
who want
show examples
 to the
park
Use synonyms
at four-month
Correct your spelling
for four months
show examples
 in 2015 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
incloud
Correct your spelling
including
adults
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 arrived in July, and
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 highest
number
Use synonyms
 was in June.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
April was
least
Add an article
the least
a least
show examples
 popular month that
people
Use synonyms
 arrived and May was
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 least.
Firstly
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 visited
Use synonyms
park
Correct article usage
the park
show examples
 in July and the
number
Use synonyms
 of
adults
Use synonyms
higher
Add a missing verb
was higher
show examples
 than
Use synonyms
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
 at around 900
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
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near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 800.
In addition
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
 to
park
Use synonyms
 in June still lost
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
 but
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
stablised
Correct your spelling
stabilised
 with Mat at 600 persons.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the least of
number
Use synonyms
 who visited to
park
Use synonyms
 was in April, Compared to July was less than around three times but
abults
Correct your spelling
adults
stills
Replace the word
still
show examples
 higher than
children
Use synonyms
like
Change preposition
in
show examples
 June and July.
Whereas
Linking Words
, only in May the
number
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 was more than
adults
Use synonyms
 which higher than 100
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visitors and arrived 600.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, park, adults, children, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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