Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity

Crime rates across the whole world

rises

Change the verb form

rise

show examples

with each year. Many wonder, what are the causes for

this

and what could be done to prevent

this

from happening.

This

essay will try to explain the reasons and give possible solutions for

this

issue.

Firstly

, one of the main reasons for

people

becoming an outlaw may be a lack of education.

In other words

, very poor young

people

with no access to schools usually end up having to commit acts of thievery and robbing as they cannot be accepted into various jobs and professions without a

bachelor

Change noun form

bachelor's

show examples

degree.

For example

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

youngsters in third-world countries like the nations of Africa usually wind up with

this

kind of fate. The solution to

this

problem would be an improvement to the school system

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that more children can get university level and find a job.

Secondly

, the other often mentioned issue is the social and racial discrimination towards

people

of one group. Let me explain,

people

of one group may be racially discriminated

for

Change preposition

against for

show examples

their skin

color

Change the spelling

colour

show examples

, race and other reasons that won't allow them to get an education or

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

hired on a job

due to

these issues which will leave them with no choice, but to steal to survive.

For example

, black

people

United

Correct article usage

the United

show examples

States were often unemployed out of

such

prejudices and as

such

, most of them had to commit crimes as they did not have

other

Correct quantifier usage

any other

show examples

way to live.

This

issue could be tackled by removing racial and social prejudice out of

people

by making

such

discrimination lawless and

hire

Wrong verb form

hiring

show examples

more tolerant

people

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

won't judge

people

by their race. In conclusion, crime rates have been rising

due to

poor education and discrimination which could be solved through different ways like improving the school systems or by hiring more tolerant

people

Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on Sat Apr 20 2024

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task achievement

Expand on examples to link them more directly to the general population, not just specific groups.

task achievement

Try to include more diverse and concrete examples to support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Consider transitioning more smoothly between paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Use a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Effectively introduced and concluded the essay, presenting a clear stance.

coherence cohesion

Provided a good structure with clear main ideas in each paragraph.

task achievement

Addressed the causes and solutions for the rise in crime rates comprehensively.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

303 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

A larger amount of advertisements nowadays are now targeted at children. Many people say this has negative effects on children and should there be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some belief that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Describe some of the problems overreliance on cars can cause and suggest a possible solution.

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?