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Band 5.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years
There are widely held differing views on the issue that
people
 should have a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
 education until they are 18 years old. I personally believe that there is no point to force
people
 to study
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if they do not want to do that. There are two principal reasons for
this
. One point that I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that at that age
people
 already know what they should do with their lives. And there is a huge probability that students would not like to spend years studying subjects that they will not need in their lives.
Also
, in
this
 case, they will spend more
time
procrostinating
Correct your spelling
procrastinating
,
therefore
, they will not improve
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 abilities that they have or maybe they will not be aware of their talents because of the
time
 they have spent studying. What I mean by
this
 is the fact that
full
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full-time
show examples
time
 studying will not let them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
explore themselves. Adding
further
 credibility to the statement brings to an idea of the uselessness of
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
 studying until
people
 are 18 is the fact that children and teenagers will have less
time
 for socialising.
Therefore
, they can have some kind of mental problems and they can feel
loneliness
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lonely
show examples
. Turning to the other side of the argument it is obvious that studying is extremely important for
people
 to be educated and
this
 trains their discipline, too.
Due to
this
 reason, it will be easier for them to achieve their aims. In conclusion, by taking into consideration all the above-mentioned reasons. I once again reaffirm my position that it
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 not be compulsory for
people
 to study
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
 until they are 18.
Submitted by intiqam.hasanov on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which contributes to the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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