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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribean island between 2010 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features ,and make comparision where relevent.

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribean island between 2010 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features ,and make comparision where relevent.
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The line chart depicts the information about the visitors who visited a specific Caribbean Island over the
period
Use synonyms
 from 2010 to 2017. Units are measured in
millions
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, as can be clearly seen from the graph, the total number of
tourists
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
who preferred to stay on cruise ships increased throughout the
period
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the number of visitors who chose to stay on the island did not witness any significant change over the given
period
Use synonyms
.
Regarding the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 total number of
tourists
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 seen a steady increase since 2010. At the start of the
period
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, it made up 1
Use synonyms
millions
Change to a singular noun
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
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tourists
Use synonyms
 and
finally
Linking Words
 accounted for exactly 3.5
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
 in 2017.
Additionally
Linking Words
, visitors who chose to stay on cruise ships were approximately 0.25
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
 in 2010, they
then
Linking Words
 witnessed a slight increase
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 0.5
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
 in 2011
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and again experienced a gradual growth during a
6-years
Fix the agreement mistake
6-year
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period
Use synonyms
 which constituted precisely 2
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the figure for the
tourists
Use synonyms
 who were staying on
island
Add an article
the island
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 started at nearly 0.75
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millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
 in 2010 and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
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 unchanged until 2011.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they climbed up gradually before levelling off at 1.5
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
 from 2013 onwards.
Finally
Linking Words
, the figure finished at 1.5
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
 in 2017.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words period, millions, tourists with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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