IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
There have been conflicting opinions
whether
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
 the ultimate aim of
science
 is to increase the quality of human civilization. I completely agree with
this
 statement because
science
 brings
people
 for better living and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jargon
such
 as
scince
Correct your spelling
science
 for
science
 is dangerous for humanity. Scientific research brings
people
 to
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
. Previously, before
scientific
Correct article usage
the scientific
show examples
 revolution in
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
 century, human civilization in many parts of the world used
supranatural
Correct your spelling
supernatural
 approaches in determining their
life
.
This
,
for example
, they
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
believe
 that rain
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 God's tears and storm
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 God's anger.
Consequently
, their
life
 was surrounded
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
unrational
Correct your spelling
irrational
 beliefs.
However
, after
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 discoveries
such
 as Einstein, Rene
Descrates
Correct your spelling
Descartes
, and Emanuel Kant,
people
 have been moving to
rational
Correct article usage
a rational
show examples
 approach.
Science
 has a special role in human development in which
people
 are more likely
using
Change the verb form
to use
show examples
 scientific works for their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In order to see the weather,
for instance
, they do not use
uncestor
Correct your spelling
ancestor
investor
 beliefs
instead
 rely on weather information from the government. Another reason is that the jargon
science
 for
science
 is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 human lives. Nowadays, there have been many countries that develop nuclear production
such
 as the USA, England, Iran, and Germany. Considering the negative effects of
this
 technology, particularly for war, it is important for scientists to take
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 into consideration as the priority rather than just winning a war.
In addition
 to
this
, academic communities should be the
guardian
Fix the agreement mistake
guardians
show examples
againt
Correct your spelling
against
again
 using
such
 technology for war and other destructive objectives. The objective of scientific discoveries is
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
life
 because
science
 brings
people
 to
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 better and it is harmful when scientific communities just
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 the jargon
science
Change preposition
of science
show examples
 for
science
 without considering
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 orientations.
Submitted by salwafahanim on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Aim to present specific examples from recent scientific advancements or studies to support your arguments, making them more compelling and grounded.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Minor grammatical improvements can make your essay more polished and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with spelling and terminology accuracy, e.g., 'uncester beliefs' should probably be 'ancestor beliefs.', to maintain the professionalism of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Developing paragraphs with clear topic sentences that directly relate back to the thesis statement can help strengthen your essay's cohesion.
coherence cohesion
You've done a great job introducing and concluding your essay, providing a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
Your essay successfully covers the topic with relevant arguments supporting the thesis, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
You've effectively used historical context to support your argument, enriching the content of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: