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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that wearing a uniform at work is essential whereas others think that it is unnecessary. Present your views on both sides of the argument.

#people #uniform #work #argument
Numerous individuals believe that wearing a
uniform
 at work is crucial, but there are people who think in the opposite way. In my opinion,
uniform
Add an article
the uniform
a uniform
show examples
 is necessary for workers
who their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 jobs are in Factories or in crafts.
On the other hand
, wearing uniforms for employees who are working in companies is not important .
However
, when some
humankinds
Correct your spelling
humans
 think that there is a
necessity
Replace the word
necessary
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obligation
in wearing
Change preposition
to wear
show examples
 special
clothes
 at work, they have many points in their minds
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
Change preposition
For
show examples
, they believe that the
uniform
 preserves their
outfits
 from being stained or old in a short period of time, because some positions create oil stains or change the colour of
clothes
.
In addition
, those people really believe that wearing a
uniform
 reduces their expenses in buying new
clothes
 many times a year
as well as
 conserves justice between workers, especially in Industries because some people
are bullying
Wrong verb form
bully
show examples
 each other for appearances.
On the other hand
, some individuals think that wearing a
uniform
 is not necessary because
firstly
, they like changing their
outfits
 every day since they consider that
clothes
 specialisation for work is very tedious and increases the boring job routine.
Secondly
, they believe that
outfits
 and fashions should be changed
according to
 the position level and occasions at the company, particularly if the employee is a sales representative or a lawyer in an organisation. In conclusion, in my perspective wearing a
uniform
 for the
workforce
Correct your spelling
workers
show examples
 who are employed in factories or whose
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not
clean
Replace the word
cleaned
show examples
 adequately is a good thing, but it's better for an employee to take care of his/her
outfits
 by her/ himself when he/she works at a company.
Submitted by amalalhoury on

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coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to better link ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your arguments.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the prompt. Include more detailed examples and explanations to fully support your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, demonstrating an understanding of the essay structure.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which aligns with the requirements of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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