The pie chart charts below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

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The pie chart illustrates the information about the online shopping sales for four different sectors ( including travel,

film

Use synonyms

/ music ,books and clothes) in New Zealand between 2003 to 2013.

Overall

Linking Words

, earlier

ride

Fix the agreement mistake

riding

show examples

was the highest sector and lowest showed by books

in addition

Linking Words

later it changed

film

Use synonyms

industry was the leading sector and the smallest proportion by wardrobe. In 2003, the travel section contributed 36% significantly.It was the highest proportion following the second largest by clothes which was 24% .

Film

Use synonyms

and books were 21% and 19% respectively.

Furthermore

Linking Words

,after a decade the

film

Use synonyms

and music field raised their percentage by 33% .Nearly 29 by transit sector and increasing their amount by 3% in 2013.

However

Linking Words

, cloth was dipped by 8% proportion in 2013.It was 16 %.

To sum up

Linking Words

, end of the time period there were some positive changes in the

film

Use synonyms

and book sectors increasing their online shopping sales.

While

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

travel and clothes were dropped in the same time period in New Zealand online shopping sales.

Submitted by nimeshafernando126 on Sun Apr 21 2024

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Vocabulary: Replace the words film with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.

▼

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

165 words

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The pie chart charts below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion