The bar chart beow shows the percentage of Australian men and women in diffrent age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010,

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The bar graph illustrates the proportion of Australian male and female citizens in different age groups

Correct pronoun usage

who participate

show examples

participate

Wrong verb form

participated

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in particular

Linking Words

physical activity in 2010.

Overall

Linking Words

it is clear that

Linking Words

physical activity in Australia is mostly attended by women.

However

Linking Words

, it seems like male youth, between 15 to 24, love to join

this

Linking Words

activity.

To begin

Linking Words

with, three age groups of female individuals, around 40, 50 and 60

years

Use synonyms

old, have almost the same percentage of working out, which was 53%. Followed by 30

years

Use synonyms

old group occupied 48.9%

as well as

Linking Words

both the youngest and the eldest registered roughly the same number, at 47%.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, male

youngers

Correct your spelling

youngsters

show examples

used their free time on physical play which was just under 53%.

This

Linking Words

trend slightly dropped in the 30 and the 40 age groups, at 42.2% and 39.5% respectively.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, it increased in 50

years

Use synonyms

, at 43%, 60

years

Use synonyms

, at 45%, and 46% in the oldest group which was nearly the same as in female elders.

Submitted by nnatthinee on Sun Apr 21 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

165 words

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The bar chart beow shows the percentage of Australian men and women in diffrent age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010,

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case? What can be done to attract more local people to these museums?

sports play important tole both mentally and physically

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, people have developed poor eating habits and do not eat a balanced diet. What are the reasons behind this? Suggest possible solutions to control this.