Some people think that art is important subject.other opine that it waste our time . discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #art #opine #waste #time

In the modern era, some groups of society think

art

plays a decisive role in our lives

while

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

disagree. I personally believe

art

is as crucial as science majors and should be respected because of the reasons I'm going to explain in the rest of

this

essay.

To begin

with,

art

can mentally help us in diverse aspects of our lives. It is acknowledged by scholars that

art

for our souls is like food for our bodies and our spirits can not live without it. It can make new routes in the nervous system, particularly the brain, and enhance the connection between two

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

brain's two hemispheres which can lead to better problem-solving capabilities in individuals.

For example

, after I

leared

Correct your spelling

learned

how to play

piano

Change the article

the piano

show examples

, I am more confident

while

confronting a difficulty and can get rid of it more quickly.

Additionally

art

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

especially painting and colours, can motivate people or reverse which can be helpful in different situations.

On the other hand

, some individuals

critisize

Correct your spelling

criticize

criticise

art

in various ways.

Firstly

, It is believed that

art

can not contribute to

solve

Change the verb form

solving

show examples

our problems as other majors like physics or

bioligy

Correct your spelling

biology

do.

Secondly

, we can download a photo of a beautiful environment and derive some motivation and good feeling rather than singing or painting which are more time-consuming.

Thirdly

, the time and resources that are spent in

art

can be dedicated to education which plays a more prominent role in the technology. I,

for instance

, spent an inordinate amount of money to buy a camera and learn

photograghing

Correct your spelling

photography

while

I could purchase lots of science books with that money.

To conclude

, I think all majors should be respected because all of them are helpful to us either mentally or physically and

art

is no exception.

Submitted by yasinisback8 on Sun Apr 21 2024

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Spelling & Grammar

Make sure to proofread your essay to correct small inaccuracies such as spelling errors ('leared' should be 'learned', 'photograghing' should be 'photographing'). This will improve the professionalism and readability of your text.

Sentence Variety

Try to integrate more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the fluency of your essay and better demonstrate your English language ability.

Detail & Example Enhancement

While your essay provides relevant examples to support your points, adding more detailed examples or statistics could strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

Balance & Thought

Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints on the importance of art, demonstrating a balanced and thoughtful approach.

Thesis Clarity

You have a clear thesis statement that sets out your view articulately, effectively guiding the reader through your argument.

Effective Conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the key arguments made in the essay.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

296 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

fostering
emotional expression
cultural heritage
diversity
practical skills
modern job market
resources
science and technology sectors
holistic education
critical thinking
cultural awareness

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