IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is major concern for people who seek to protect Environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, what effects does is have on animal life and human society?

#pollution #rivers #lakes #seas #concern #people #environment #water #effects #life #society
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Many environmentalists
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
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 about the contamination of lakes, rivers and
seas
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 and
obviously
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obviously,
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 these drawbacks have a major impact on human life and the ecosystem. There are many causes and effects of
this
Linking Words
 matter and I will discuss them
further
Linking Words
 in the essay.
To begin
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 with, there are some possible causes that lead to polluted
water
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sources
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. The biggest reason why the
pollution
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 of
water
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 increases is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that factories which built near the rivers or
seas
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. Unfortunately number of these factories release chemical or toxic substances into the
water
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.
Secondly
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,
pollution
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 of
water
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 stems from a low culture of
people
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 in using natural resources, yearly dumping of trash in
water
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sources
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 by some
people
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 increases and
this
Linking Words
 issue is
due to
Linking Words
 contaminating the
water
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. Regarding contamination of
water
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sources
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 and its effects, we could mention the impact
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
of this
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 problem on humans and the ecosystem.
Water
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pollution
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 leads to injuring
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 that live in the
seas
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 because fishes consume poisonous
water
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 and the consequence of
this
Linking Words
 causes coming into existence various diseases in
people
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 because many
people
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 eat seafood every day especially
people
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 who live near the
seas
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. In conclusion,
water
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pollution
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 occurs for various reasons, including industrial activity, and
people
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’s attitudes. government should set up strict laws to prevent those organizations that pollute
water
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sources
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 and teach to
people
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 how be more kind to natural resources.
Submitted by zahranajafi107 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and statistics to strengthen your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and relevant.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs have a clear central idea and consider linking sentences more fluidly to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. This will help create a more seamless flow between different parts of the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the key aspects of the task, including the causes of water pollution and its effects on animal life and human society.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for your essay. This helps guide the reader through your discussion and provides a clear structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • contamination
  • industrial discharge
  • untreated sewage
  • agricultural runoff
  • pesticides
  • oil spills
  • microplastics
  • eutrophication
  • algal blooms
  • marine dumping
  • bioaccumulation
  • ecosystem
  • biodiversity
  • public health
  • waterborne diseases
  • fishing industry
  • tourism industry
  • sustainable practices
  • environmental regulations
  • waste management
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