One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The medical field is expanding and improving over time,and life expectancy is growing and people are living longer,the
accses
Correct your spelling
access
to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good health care is in the
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
show examples
of everybody,with the
devolpmening
Correct your spelling
developing
technlogy
Correct your spelling
technology
worldwide and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better disease management.
While
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
now easier to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
health insurance the fees could be
expinsive
Correct your spelling
expensive
for some people causing a huge financial stress,as the
tendcy
Correct your spelling
tendency
to get sicker increases as a person gets older
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
harder to predict chronic disease.  Nowadays everything is changing fast,there are many new ways to treat an
illnesse
Correct your spelling
illness
,doctors started using technology as a way to study and cure some diseases, for
exmple
Correct your spelling
example
complicated surgeries that few
surgens
Correct your spelling
surgeons
are able to do,with less expense and a wider chance for the
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
around the world who needs
such
surgeries.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
,medicines are now made more specialised with a
higer
Correct your spelling
higher
quilty.
Submitted by layan.oth.zhr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Content Organization
Try to clearly distinguish between advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs to improve the logical structure of your essay.
Content Structuring
Consider including a brief introduction and conclusion to frame your essay more effectively, offering a clearer stance on the topic.
Supporting Details
Incorporate more relevant examples and data to strengthen your arguments and provide a more comprehensive analysis of the topic.
Topic Understanding
You effectively discussed the advancements in medical technology and their impact on healthcare, reflecting a good understanding of the topic.
Vocabulary Usage
You've shown an ability to use topic-related vocabulary which enhances the quality of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: