One of the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
The medical field is expanding and improving over time,and life expectancy is growing and
people
are living longer,the access to good health care is in the hands of everybody,with the developing technology worldwide and better disease management.While
it is now easier to get health insurance the fees could be expensive for some people
causing a huge financial stress.
Nowadays everything is changing fast,there are many new ways to treat an illness,doctors started using technology as a way to study and cure some diseases, for
example
complicated surgeries that few surgeons are able to do,with less expense and a wider chance for the Add the comma(s)
example,
people
around the world who needs such
surgeries.Furthermore
,medicines are now made more specific with a higher quilty,manging
to treat a particular part of an illness with less work,and always keeping Correct your spelling
managing
simple
.
On the Correct pronoun usage
it simple
otherhand
,some Correct your spelling
other hand
people
might consider not having a health insuarance
Correct your spelling
insurance
due to
the declined prices that insuarance Compenies
Correct your spelling
insurance companies
offers
.Many Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
improverished
countries Correct your spelling
improved
has
a lower life expectancy for Change the verb form
have
this
exact reason,despite overpopulation making diseases spreed
faster there Correct your spelling
spread
are
not much the Correct subject-verb agreement
is
lower income
societies can do.
In conclusion,As medical care advances,some of the hardest diseases to cure are now Add a hyphen
lower-income
manageble
and even cureable,leading to an improved Quality of life.Correct your spelling
manageable
Submitted by layan.oth.zhr on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
structure
Your essay discusses the advantages and disadvantages of increased life expectancy due to medical advancements, but could benefit from clearer argument structuring. Consider introducing each main point with a topic sentence that signals whether you're discussing an advantage or disadvantage.
task response
You've provided a range of ideas related to medical advancements and their implications on life expectancy. To further align your essay with the task, consider directly addressing the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in your conclusion.
grammar
Ensure consistency in the use of tense throughout your essay. You've mostly used present tense which is appropriate, but watch out for unintended shifts.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of coherence and cohesion through the use of linking words and a logical flow of ideas. To enhance this, you could include more explicit connections between the individual points and the overall topic of the essay's impact on life expectancy.
accuracy
Be cautious with spelling and grammatical accuracy to maintain the professionalism of your writing. For example, watch out for misspellings ('quilty' should be 'quality', 'improverished' should be 'impoverished') and ensure proper sentence structure.
content
Your essay clearly recognises the multitude of advancements in the medical field and their impact on life expectancy, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
vocabulary
You've made a strong effort to utilize a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic which enriches your essay's quality.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are present, functioning effectively to frame your essay's main discussion points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.