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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table illustrates statistics which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 reported by
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Nations
Use synonyms
 about social rates
as well as
Linking Words
economical
Replace the word
economics
show examples
 in four
countries
Use synonyms
 in 1994.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that people who live in developed
countries
Use synonyms
, Canada and Japan, not only had a better
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 situation in comparison to third-world
nations
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were situated in better
postion
Correct your spelling
positions
 financially.
Also
Linking Words
,
Zaire
Use synonyms
 was the poorest country
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 all four other
countries
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, among all those four
nations
Use synonyms
 Japan had the highest amount of annual wages per person, 15760 USD, which was about
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
show examples
 times higher than in
Zaire
Use synonyms
 where people had the lowest amount of salary in USD,130 USD.
Also
Linking Words
, in
countries
Use synonyms
 with higher
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
show examples
 the number of calories which was used was higher than
developing
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
nations
Use synonyms
. Canada had the most consumable individuals with 3326 calories each
days
Change to a singular noun
day
show examples
while
Linking Words
Zaire
Use synonyms
 with consuming 47
colories
Correct your spelling
calories
 per day had the lowest amount of usage.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the life expectancy in Japan in 1994 stood at the highest and Canada was in second place with 78% and 76%
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 of
Zaire
Use synonyms
 had the lowest hope about life with only 47%.
Countries
Use synonyms
 with the highest expectancy indicators had the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 literacy
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 with 99% for each country ,
Incontrast
Correct your spelling
In contrast
Zaire
Use synonyms
 citizens with
34
Correct article usage
a 34
show examples
% rate of literacy had the lowest rate in 1994.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words nations, countries, zaire with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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